


It's No Good To Fool Yourself About Love

by truedi



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Bisexuality, Ciri is a teenager I guess, Don't Ask, Everyday Life AU, Fluff, Friendship, Geralt is an Engineer, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Jaskier is a broke artist, Longing, M/M, Mutual Pining, New York, OCs appearing for plot, Roomates, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Yen is so annoyed with Jaskier, Yenn and Triss are lawyers, Yes Roach is in this, bi Geralt, bi jaskier, body issues, confused bisexuals, episodic with an overarching plot I guess, of course, slowburn, super extreme slowburn, there might just be a physical drunk fight, there won't be much violence but I kept it in for now, two bros sitting in a hot tub five feet apart cause they not gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:41:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24662467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truedi/pseuds/truedi
Summary: Modern AU: After travelling for a few years, busking in streets and getting paid badly for cheap weddings, Jaskier is setting out for New York. He will make it. He is determined. But it is expensive and bills have to be paid. So, he looks for shared flats and surprisingly gets in with a guy he thought hated him after he had knocked over a vase during the sighting.His new roommate, Geralt, looks rough and mostly remains silent. However, he lets Jaskier practice music and listens to his weird ideas and poetry, which is more than most people do. Apart from working a regular job at Starbucks and trying to make it big as an actor, Jaskier gets to know Geralt, his friends and his family more and more They make the most imperfect perfect pair.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	1. Toss A Coin To Your Homeless Bard

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys are in for the long run because the outline of this fic has 22 chapters. I haven't written such a massive fic in ages but it felt like this worked better in long form. It's all about the confusion/mutual pining/tender friendships. 
> 
> Big thanks to my bestest of friends Diana (flintss.tumblr.com) who beta read this!

When one finds themselves in a sticky situation, they might wonder: Why? What did I do to deserve this? Or, they try to find even the narrowest way out, squeezing and contorting themselves in an attempt to save what little possibility they have left. For if they wouldn’t try, wouldn’t they just prove the sticky situation right? That they belong in this and deserve the scrutiny of whoever put them there, or even if it was their own misstep that brought them misery it would reinforce their lack of determination, of will.

Jaskier wasn’t sure if this had started with him or his parents. Technically, they did nothing wrong. Okay, they had disowned him, thrown him out and cut off his money. That was certainly, for lack of a better word, cruel, but he was an artist living with doctors. Parents with respectable careers usually didn’t take well to their children finding no joy in…joyless academia.

Now, he was offered to return at any time as long as he could prove he had applied for some kind of Ivy League University. Or any university for that matter, as long as he would give in and study medicine, business or whatever other boring people studied He wasn’t joyless. No, he had so much joy to give. What better way than through the arts. Ever since he had been the class clown in elementary school, ever since he had made this girl at the hospital laugh when he had his tonsils removed, he knew his destiny and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

It had been seven years since he had last seen his parents. Oh, no maybe six depending on if it counts to show up at their doorstep for Christmas because he apparently had misinterpreted the seriousness of their decision. Did you apply? Get a proper job? No. _BAM!_ A door closed right in front of his face. He had had hope for about another year, called every three months, but no. Was it his mistake? Maybe. He never wanted to make his parents sad. So, he had to succeed. Seven years since he left (had to leave), seven years since he was travelling from city to city as an amateur (and underpaid) artist. It was time to find a home. Even if it was temporary, he already knew a few years ago that he wanted to end up in New York. One wedding gig and a 3-day theatre course there had cemented his dream of being an actor. Maybe even director if he was lucky in a few years. He also had to be lucky now but shhh…optimism.

Everything about the Big Apple was great: the theatres, the ladies, busking on the street without a permit (as long as he stayed out of the trains on the subway or parks but who focuses too much on that). If only there wasn’t a shortage of apartments.  
Until now, he had been able to sleep on an acquaintance’s couch. It was a shame someone had found out about his friend’s drug deals and the cops had tried arresting them both. It was only the third time he had ever run from the police and he was proud to see he had gotten better at it as his legs had never moved so quickly in times of stress-induced adrenaline sprints.

“You gotta move out, man”, his friend said as they hid in a random alleyway in Greenpoint. His friend lit up another joint in an attempt to relax. He said this matter-of-factly. No debate.

The next day, after they both had slept on the couch of yet another drug dealer, Jaskier applied for apartments. Some he had gotten a response for fairly quickly and was able to visit them the same day. He could charm his way through most interviews, but he wasn’t the only one. Every sighting involved at least 5 applicants, and more were scheduled. Unlike most of them, he didn’t have an impressive income or a stable job. Who had that in today’s economy anyway?! So, he applied for jobs as well. Stale ones. Cafés, libraries, call centers, whatever. Something to pay rent.

“It will kill my very soul! If so I must live life, then is it worth to live at all?”  
“Chill, it’s a part-time job,” his friend interrupted his monologue.

“I’m trying to express my feelings here,” Jaskier said, tapping his foot for dramatic effect. His friend scoffed: “Maybe less expression and more action, man.”

The response for an apartment arrived sooner than the one for a job: Bushwick, the place close to Gates Avenue Station. He cheered when he read the mail. Though, wait a second. Wasn’t that the apartment in which he had toppled over and slammed down a porcelain vase? He couldn’t remember that silver-haired guy looking all too friendly about it. But then again, that guy hadn’t looked friendly all throughout the visitation. Jaskier didn’t have a choice though. If this guy offered him a room, then he would take it.

And so, he packed the few belongings he had, told his friend goodbye and was on his way.

It was a warm day in early August. The guy had confirmed him that he could move in whenever.

_So…today?_

_Sudden, but sure. Will be home in the afternoon. Come by after 5pm._

Oops, Jaskier was already walking around Bushwick to get to know the neighborhood. Never mind, he could find things to do. He settled in a small park he didn’t know the name of and didn’t bother to know. His guitar was still coated in the smell of weed which he hoped wouldn’t transfer onto his new room. A little air might help so he began strumming some chords. Slowly getting into songs. Pop, old chants and even a bit of his own spoken word here and there. Barely anybody stopped, but the ones who did left a coin or two. He couldn’t stop himself from flirting with the women passing him by. They laughed in embarrassment at his attempts to be musically courteous.

“You may call me the Bard of Bushwick,” he said grandiosely and handed a brunette his number who took it rather reluctantly in the public of the park but took it, nonetheless. Please, he pleaded in his head, I haven’t seen a naked body in months. He wasn’t desperate. Okay, maybe a little. Which was honestly why he had his phone number ready written down on a piece of paper on the inside of his denim jacket. He saw a police car passing on the crossroad and decided it was time to pack up. An old man even applauded him.

“Good job, son. New here?”, he asked.

“Kind of. Moved to New York a few weeks ago,” Jaskier answered honestly. The man seemed kind, and apart from his drug dealer friend, he didn’t know anyone in New York. Social contact was needed wherever he could get it from. The old man patted him on the shoulder with his heavy wrinkly hand.

“May you find what you’re looking for.”

“I’m not really …looking for anything, I don’t know.”

“Oh, but everybody is. Isn’t that why people come to New York? Wealth, fame and all those things. You’re an artist, right? Good luck.”

He laughed and left Jaskier standing to continue his stroll through the park. Weird. Nice, but weird. He looked after the man, but when he realized the man wouldn’t look back at him one moment more, he took out his phone to find the way to the apartment. He wasn’t sure yet how much he had to pay upfront, so good thing he had just made $20.

“This is it, huh?”

Jaskier stared at the apartment building. It was a normal four-story complex right across a pizzeria and had a supermarket right around the corner. He carefully searched the apartment number on the bell system. Shame on an open stage wasn’t something he was scared of, but seeing eye-to-eye with a wrong resident, that scenario gave him shivers. Lucky for him a deep, rough voice answered, and he recognized it as the one belonging to the guy who had shown the group around in the apartment just a few days earlier.

“Yes?”

“Uh, it’s me. Jaskier. Here to move in?” He tried to sound as friendly as he could. A good first impression wouldn’t hurt. Well, second, as he had already destroyed part of his new roommate’s inventory.

The door buzzed and Jaskier made his way up the stairs. No elevator. By the time he was at the right door, he was panting a little. A guitar and a duffle bag were heavy after all. Barely knocking once, the guy he had already met, but frankly forgotten the name, opened the door. Jaskier didn’t remember him having long hair. Maybe he had it tied up the last time. Now that he wasn’t a nervous bundle of stress, he noticed so many things about him. He was so tall! Jaskier wasn’t short himself but compared to this man he felt tiny. Also, because the man in front of him was a serious beefcake. It was the type of body he himself had so desperately wanted when he was a teen. It scratched on an old wound that lay deep in his subconscious. The silence between them must’ve lasted a few seconds as the other man reached out his hand to him.

“Hello, again. Jaskier, right?”, he asked politely and the man in question nodded.

“Geralt,” he said when Jaskier only took his hand without saying anything. He felt his neck redden because clearly, Geralt had noticed that he had forgotten his name. Geralt’s tone didn’t sound insulted or angry. It was rough, but that seemed to be his general tone. He spoke his words with a certain exertion as if he just wanted to stop talking as soon as possible. He signaled Jaskier to follow him inside, so the newly “Bard of Bushwick” followed him into a room. It was furnished with a bed, desk, and closet, and even some decoration. There was a simple black carpet and blinds that would offer some privacy from the outside world. For now, they were open and Jaskier could see a tree outside the window. The very same maple tree he had just walked past outside.

Geralt waited for him to put his luggage down before stating the rules.

“I work Monday-Friday which means I’d appreciate if there is no noise after 10 pm.”

“Oh, yes! No problem!”  
  


Geralt nodded: Use everything in the kitchen whenever you need it but clean it. Same for everything else. Then we won’t have any problems.”

“No. Will do! Sure!”, Jaskier winked at him. Geralt rolled his eyes before continuing.

“You pay rent to me. I pay the landlord. Be on time. Here’s the contract.” He took a small stack of papers from the desk and handed them over to him. Jaskier continued to nod enthusiastically.

“Any questions?”

“Not yet,” he answered. The contract involved too many pages not to worry. But it was also not the only thing to worry about in his life. It had to get in line, so he took it before giving it another look…ever again.

“I’ll leave you to it, then,” Geralt muttered, turned and left the room. He even closed the door behind himself. Jaskier liked manners.

The deposit was only a month’s rent. His savings account could manage that for once. Afterwards, he definitely had to get a job. Despite the added pressure, maybe this wasn’t too bad. He had made it this far. However…special his roommate felt, Geralt also seemed to be serious and grown-up unlike the drug dealers he had lived with before. If he could make a stable living in this city, there was just a slight chance his parents would see his success and understand. He had a real chance here. He put the signed contract aside and laid back on the bed facing the tree outside the window. A slight breeze was shaking it and he smiled. This was good.

___________________________________________________________________________

The first afternoon in his new home were awkward. Geralt didn’t seem like someone who would invite Jaskier to have dinner with him and get to know each other. It would have helped Jaskier to ease into this new situation. He felt like a stranger, that he obviously was, when he carefully explored the flat.

The kitchen was cleaned except for some dishes in the sink. He made a mental note to step up his cleaning game fearing that if he would live as usual, Geralt would throw him out faster than he could recite his apology speech he had planned out for future mishaps.

The bathroom was of average size and windowless but had a large shower. It didn’t smell like weed for a change. Exciting!

He didn’t dare to look at the living room yet because he could see Geralt in there organizing some papers. The drawings on them looked…technical. Nothing Jaskier would draw in his free time. He had mentioned that he worked a regular job, Jaskier remembered, but not what kind of job. Was it rude to ask? He was just curious. He had met people before who spoke little. Usually, he could draw them out of their shell, and they would tell him their stories because they knew he wouldn’t ridicule them. He had a keen interest in all forms of human story. His new roommate seemed to be a tough nut to crack, though. It didn’t help that he was so intimidating. Jaskier assumed he worked out regularly. He looked like a jock physically, but Jaskier didn’t get any emotional jock energy from him. He was too reserved. He shook his head and went back to his room. Why was he so fixated on his new roommate on the first day? Not everyone was a chatterbox like him. He had to learn to give people space and be okay with it. He already felt this familiar urge to ask Geralt if he was annoyed by him. He had asked this so many times. It was fine. He had barely made himself known in the household yet.

He jumped when his phone rang. The noise sounded louder in the quiet flat.

“Hello?”, he answered hastily.

“Hi, this is Nancy from Starbucks. Jaskier?”

“Yes! Yes, hi! How are you?”

“Fine, how are you? We decided you are the perfect candidate for our store. It’s a half time position.”

Jaskier almost squealed! This was great! Only half-time but it should cover most of his basic costs while he earned some with busking on top of it. He agreed to come by next week and starting his first shift at the beginning of the next month. Things fell into place.

When he emerged from his room, his walk was jolly and he couldn’t help but hum a tune when filling his bowl with cereal.

“Someone has settled in.”

“Ahh!”, Jaskier screamed. “Sorry, didn’t hear you.”

“Yeah, I get that often,” Geralt mumbled and put a half empty bottle of soda into the fridge. He had his hair tied up. Only a few strands had escaped and framed his face. Jaskier felt too confident to keep in mind that they were essentially strangers. He wanted to make his roommate a friend anyway. He could start right then and there.

“Well, you, my friend,” Geralt looked him when he used that word, “may be happy to hear that I’m now officially employed!” Maybe the double thumbs up were a little too enthusiastic but Jaskier held them up, nonetheless. Geralt only nodded.

“Hmm. Congratulations.”

Jaskier babbled on: “Don’t worry! No missing payments from my side! I’ll be a productive member of society.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Geralt turned and walked back to the living room. Jaskier’s cereal was a little soggy now. He took his roommate’s gesture as an invite to join him. The sofa was large. He comfortably managed to keep his distance to Geralt. He had not intended it. Geralt’s whole vibe just shouted “not too close” for Jaskier. He respected that.

“What a day, huh! Can’t wait to begin my new life! Hey, do you mind if I practice some music here during the day when I’m not working?”

“I’m out from seven to four.”

“Perfect! Thanks for your support. I appreciate it.”

Geralt was suddenly dumbfounded with Jaskier’s extroversion. It had really only taken him two hours. He watched Jaskier eating his cereal before returning to his paperwork. It had been a while since he had lived with a roommate. Certainly, since he had lived with someone so lively. He would get used to it. Otherwise, he had means to shut up annoyances. He was aware that Jaskier was a good guy, though. Geralt was still a bit upset about the vase, but something about Jaskier had made him the perfect candidate. Geralt had trouble with finding someone to stay longer than six months. Admittedly, he was not very talkative. He realized that. Most wanted to talk with their roommates. He figured Jaskier was fine talking to his roommate. He didn’t have to respond. It was Geralt’s preferred kind of conversation.

As Geralt indeed didn’t make any attempt to respond, Jaskier rambled on about how excited he was for the future now that he had a proper place and job. He barely came to eating his cereal. Geralt smiled to himself. This would work out.


	2. Toss A Coin To Your Party People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to go out for the first time and chat up some guuurls, am I right, lads?
> 
> All mentioned songs/plays will be included in the notes at the end. Maybe it is better if you check that out first in case you aren't familiar with some of them but it works without knowing them

It took a week for Jaskier to have some sort of routine. He woke up around ten a.m., lay in bed until eleven and then, get ready to busk on the streets of New York all day or work on his projects. Only once had he awoken in the morning because Geralt, usually quiet and moving like a shadow, had knocked over a glass in the morning before leaving for work. Otherwise, Jaskier barely heard him. Not even when he was home. He had to open the door to the living room or listen intently if any sound came from Geralt’s room to see if he was alone or not. Even though Geralt was the one with the day job, Jaskier was sometimes home later. He had to catch people when they were leaving their jobs during rush hours to earn a good amount of money. The days on which Geralt was home late, he had usually gone to the gym right after work or bought groceries. He took care of it for both of them. Jaskier would give him part of the money he had earned on the subway.

“One day, the cops will get you.”

“Oh, please, they wish.”

Jaskier mostly kept himself alive with frozen pizza and pasta. It was cheap, it did the job, and it didn’t make too much of a mess. He was still determined to keep the place as clean as possible for his sake. He struggled. After ten p.m. he was supposed to be quiet but found himself washing a mug or two which he hadn’t taken care of during the day. He stayed up all night anyways to compose or write. Geralt’s room was on the other end of the living room, so that effectively they were far enough apart for Jaskier to sing at night. Low and carefully. He needed at least a little to get a sense of the melodies. As his roommate never mentioned it, he was sure he couldn’t hear him.

It was a Thursday when the bard decided to have a fun night. He was scheduled for his first shift the coming week. Fun might mostly be over then if he didn’t put in effort. He hadn’t even seen his neighborhood that much yet, usually playing his songs in the streets of Manhattan because of the tourists. His relationship with Geralt had also improved. He was still a grumpy, quiet loner but they had managed to live together for two weeks without an argument. Jaskier was sitting in the living room writing music when his roommate came home from work.

“Heyyyy! Geralt! Friend…buddy, you know I wondered –“

“Not now, Jaskier,” his friend responded. It didn’t stop him.

“I see. Let me elaborate. I said I wondeeeered if you might wanna join me in a fun night out. I’ve grown tired of these walls! Also, I’ve earned some good money to invite you to a nice beer. Or whiskey? Whatever you prefer!”

Geralt quietly listened to Jaskier’s proposition. His face was stoic as he grabbed a glass and poured himself some tap water in the kitchen. Jaskier was fumbling with his fingers.

Geralt simply said: “No.”

“Oh, please! I don’t know anybody, and I don’t know this neighborhood! Show me around!” He jokingly poked Geralt with his elbow before thinking it through. Luckily, Geralt was used to him by now. “Show me where to get all the ladies, if you know what I mean.”

“You don’t earn enough to pay for one,” he answered wryly.

“Hey, that’s rude!”

“I don’t go out.” He put his glass in the sink and left Jaskier standing.

“Oh.” As a matter of fact, he wasn’t surprised. He had assumed that Geralt didn’t just play the loner; He truly was a hermit crab. It was about how to get the crab out of its shell. Geralt sat down in the living room and opened his laptop for his afterwork routine. Without a word, Jaskier sneaked closer and lavishly lied his upper body down along the sofa’s backrest. He let out a theatrical huff.

“I see a man's life is a tedious one;  
I have tir'd myself, and for two nights together   
Have made the ground my bed -”

“This’s not even a male role. Your life isn’t even tedious.”

“It’s true nevertheless, Geralt. Come on!” He threw his arms in the air. “Please, just once! I swear, all the beers are on me.”

Geralt sighed. He figured he could show some sort of hospitality given he had lived in the neighborhood for almost five years now. He would show Jaskier around one time and one time only. Then he could continue with his shenanigans by himself. He nodded without looking up from his laptop.

“Hmm.”

“ Is that a yes!?”

“Only tonight.”

“Yes! Oh my god! You are the best roommate ever!” Jaskier shouted and just annoyed Geralt more. He contemplated if he could take his yes back.

Jaskier left him to finish his work and get ready. It was the closest they had come to a joined activity. He was surprised when he found out Geralt actually had an interest in movies. It wasn’t theatre but close enough, so that Jaskier had topics to talk to him about. He wondered what bars Geralt preferred and which music they played. He was open for new experiences. He feared the worst: black metal or something.

Jaskier used a generous amount of hair wax and had to realize his hair was too long to be styled anymore. Maybe he would have money for a haircut next month. Geralt didn’t really get ready at all. He had apologized for taking so long in the bathroom when the other simply grunted something along the lines of “I don’t care.”

It was a late summer night and people were out and about. Jaskier was hopping up and down with excitement. As soon as they passed the first bars, though, he tried to play it cool. He winked at several women that passed them. With every encounter, Geralt walked quickly ahead of him to avoid the secondhand embarrassment. He had to wait at nearly every crossroad for the other to catch up. After walking for half an hour as Geralt didn’t have any strong feelings for any bar personally, Jaskier picked one. The front window looked tacky as hell. The decoration was some cheap fairy lights dragged across but fallen half off the window. Inside, people were drinking and sharing snacks. What caught Jaskier’s eye was a little stage with some old speakers and a microphone.

Geralt sighed again. Jaskier was used to it by now. It could mean anything, so he dragged his roommate with him.

“Haven’t been here in ages.”

“OH, so you have been here?”

Jaskier found them an empty spot at the bar and ordered two beers. Just as he had suspected it was an open mic bar.

“Sometimes we do karaoke, too,” the bartender elaborated upon Jaskier’s inquiry. A woman was entering the stage and he recognized the first few guitar strums as Dolly Parton’s _Jolene_. Geralt was downing his beer in one go.

The singing was awful. Everybody applauded. The people had been drinking for a while. Jaskier was determined to catch up.

“Hey, two tequilas, compadre!”, he said to the bartender who hadn’t even had a chance to leave them yet. Geralt denied.

“I’ve got work tomorrow.”

“Fair. More for me.”

Geralt rolled his eyes. He didn’t take Jaskier serious before the bard took the shots one after the other. For that Geralt granted him a reaction: a raise of an eyebrow. If he had to leave Jaskier in a ditch tonight so be it.

Filled with liquid confidence Jaskier scanned the bar. He came here for a reason: Ladies! His eyes met those of a tall blonde. He didn’t have a type. He simply described himself as a lover of beautiful art and beautiful people. And all people were beautiful. If anything, he thought her slightly crooked tooth he could see when she smiled just made her more beautiful. She stood with another girl, so he assumed it was a friend. He jauntily made his way over to them and left Geralt behind. As he came closer, he recognized the woman’s friend as the _Jolene_ singer. Just the smooth opening he needed.

“May I just say: great performance! Great choice of song! A masterpiece,” he complimented the friend while his eyes darted back and forth between her and the blonde woman. Both chuckled.

“Thanks, it’s just when drunk, you know,” the friend laughed. “Maybe I should go professional.” 

“You can surely try. I haven’t seen you perform yet,” he turned and chatted up his target. The target was, sadly, not as cooperative as he had wished for.

“Nah, I’m good, dude. Music’s not my thing.” Shock. Betrayal. Jaskier hoped the offense didn’t show itself on his face. Someone else had gone up on stage and belted out a rendition of _I Hate Everything About You_. The object of his desire fell apart in front of his eyes. He was at a loss for words.

“Oh, okay,” he said with an irony that was lost on the women. No one said getting laid was easy, he thought. You take what you get. “Might I interest you in a drink, then?”

They were indeed interested in a drink. Geralt hadn’t left his spot at the bar but he had sat down at least. Upon seeing him, the women seemed scared of coming closer until Jaskier introduced him as his friend.

“Don’t mind him. He had a bad day.” Jaskier was drunk, full of confidence and bad humor. Geralt tried to muster up a smile. He didn’t want them to think he was impolite. Someone had to be the adult tonight and it was most likely not going to be Jaskier.

They sat down in a booth by the front windows. Now that it was darker, candles had been lit and the beer glasses were accumulating on their table while the women and Jaskier got more and more drunk. They had begun to laugh at every word… Geralt said, Jaskier unhappily noticed. He didn’t even crack jokes but grumbled in his usual dry tone about his work and interests. And he barely had any!

With each minute, Jaskier grew quieter and sank back into his chair, one ear listening to the performers on stage, one half-heartedly following the conversation that had now just turned into both women hinting their attraction at Geralt. Okay, he got it. His roommate was good-looking. No one would deny that surely. But did they have to do it so openly in front of him without showing any interest in him who had talked them up in the first place? He wanted to get laid here! This whole evening had been his idea!

The fellow who had just delivered a wonderful, albeit quite slurred, rendition of _Rocketman_ left the stage and Jaskier eyed the piano that was standing in the corner. 

“I’m not a New York native, no,” he heard Geralt answer to one of their new friends.

“Oh! If you ever have time, I can show you my favourite places. I promise, they’re definitely not tourist traps,” the _Jolene_ singer giggled. Enough.

“I’ll be right back.” Jaskier abruptly stood up. Too fast in fact, the beers were getting to him and his head spun a little. From the corner of his eye he saw the look in Geralt’s eyes: you wanna leave me here with them? His roommate opened his mouth but before he could say anything, Jaskier made his way towards the bar and asked if he could go on next. People slowly left the locale and there was no one else on the list, so they asked him which instrumental he wanted.

“No, thanks. Can I use the piano?”

“I don’t know. It’s Dave’s…Dave?! Can this dude here use the piano?”

Dave answered from somewhere in the kitchen. How were they able to scream that loudly over the background noise?

“Sure!”, he screamed.

The bartender nodded, Jaskier ordered another beer for his performance and went straight ahead. He moved the mic to the piano and sat down for a second not saying anything. He realized he had gotten into his drunk melancholic, sad mood again which was only amplified now that his ridiculously handsome roommate overshadowed even his advances towards women. It might bring the mood down but he felt for something emotional and slow. Something he could act out while playing. Oh, and it had to be easy to play, he wasn’t kidding himself. He didn’t have to try first to know the beer got not only his legs wiggly but his fingers. He sighed.

“This is gonna be a little dramatic. Sorry, folks,” he warned the audience. Heads turned as the background music was turned down in preparation for his performance. He had just the right idea. Jaskier closed his eyes and got into the role. He gently pressed the keys.

“There are people…And they are publishing my book.” Not that he had ever experienced such an intimate relationship falling apart, but the song oddly spoke to him at times. If only for the frustration it conveyed. He completely zoned out and let his body do the work. His mouth was tense singing the lines of break-up and lost connections.

The room was quiet but Jaskier wouldn’t hear it either way as he was engrossed in his performance. It felt like it had been seconds when he reached his last line.

“If I didn’t believe in you, I wouldn’t have loved you… at all.”

He reached for his beer and people started applauding. It wasn’t roaring but he appreciated the ones who had listened and who had liked his little show. He looked over at the booth just a little too late to notice Geralt looking at him. What he saw then didn’t differ much from the scenery he had left. The girls still hung on Geralt’s lips. He felt even more frustrated. Then guilty. Did he just perform to impress? No, it had lifted some weight for sure but he doubted his intentions. He groaned and got up from the chair. At the bar, he downed the beer before asking for some shots of liquor.

“Impressive instrument you got there,” the bartender complimented his voice. Jaskier chuckled.

“Thanks, tell that to my parents. Maybe then they’ll support me.”

“You can come anytime and perform, dude. That’s all I can do sadly.” He patted Jaskier on the shoulder and turned his attention to new customers.

The bard of Bushwick took his alcohol and sat back down at their booth. The girls gave him a quick compliment and emphasized how much they loved _The Last Five Years_ before the topic was off the table again. Geralt remained silent. Figured. His roommate had probably no interest in ballads, was probably some metal dude considering his looks and attitude. Jaskier handed out the shots he had bought and continued the night with the goal of ending up blackout drunk just so he could forget this misery of a night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cymbeline - William Shakespeare
> 
> Jolene - Dolly Parton
> 
> I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace 
> 
> If I Didn't Believe in You- The Last 5 Years (Jason Robert Brown)
> 
> I need you to see this interpretation of If I Didn't Believe in You: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaYkbc-9eo8  
> I haven't found peace since I saw this


	3. Toss A Coin To Your Friends With Benefits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hangover chapter! Finally, Yennefer shows up for the first time. Not that she is hugely important but still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the likes, bookmarks and comments so far! I see each and every single one of you! <3

His head was pounding. Shit! Jaskier groaned and burried himself deeper in his bed. The sun sat bright in his window, so he covered his face with his duvet. He could hear children playing and shouting outside. It hurt his head. It hurt his whole body. His limbs ached and his tummy rumbled. He wasn’t sure if he felt sick or if It was hunger that was plaguing him. He realized that he also wasn’t tired enough anymore to just ignore his body and the sounds outside. Effectively, that meant he should probably get up. What time was it anyway?

He tried to feel for his phone but there was nothing on the small table next to his bed. He turned and opened his eyes a little as he looked over the edge of his mattress. It was on the ground. Reaching for it made his body ache even more and he wondered if he should start doing sports again.

It was past noon. He slept halfway through the day. Excellent. He let the phone fall to the floor again and turned around in the sheets one last time. Then, driven by the hope to feel less like shit if he just brushed his teeth, Jaskier managed to get out of bed.

The apartment was quiet. Not surprising given that Geralt worked five days a week at the hours of a productive human being. Jaskier tried to remember how they got home. He couldn’t. He remembered that he did in fact perform a song but also that his luck with women wasn’t with him yesterday. He almost gagged at the memory of one of his targets gazing lovingly at Geralt as if Jaskier hadn’t just paid half her drinks. More snippets returned one after another but never enough to create a coherent storyline.

He brushed his teeth first. Obviously, he would eat soon but he needed it to feel human. Afterwards, he made his way directly into the kitchen and slowly examined the contents of their fridge. He went for a bit of yoghurt in hopes that one cup wouldn’t upset his stomach. He ate it carefully while standing and drank half a glass of water straight after. Now with some taste in his mouth, he came to his senses more and more. His head was still pounding, though, so he threw in an aspirin as a little aid.

As he turned around, he noticed the pan that was half filled with scrambled eggs left on the stove top. A small plate with buttered, and by now cold, toast stood next to it. Geralt always cleaned up after himself every morning. Jaskier stared and tried to make sense of it. Had Geralt left him breakfast? He felt his cheeks turn pink. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had made him breakfast. After he’d always come home late in the night in his early teenage years, his mom and dad had stopped as he would always sleep in. They argued if he could party all night and miss dinner and breakfast, he could feed himself.

Unfortunately, the yoghurt had filled him up for now. Commanded by a weird sense of duty and thankfulness, he poured the remaining scrambled egg onto the plate, put it into the fridge for later and cleaned the pan. It gave him time to replay last night a little more clearly in his mind.

God had he been jealous, he realized. It surely wasn’t his roomate’s fault. Geralt hadn’t even tried to make a move on them but next to him Jaskier vanished. In his mind, annoyance mixed with sadness. He pushed away from the kitchen counter, grabbed his phone from his room and planted himself on the couch in the living room.

After scrolling and checking up on Instagram for a while, he got bored. Right, he thought looking around the room. He hadn’t yet come around to…check out…the apartment. He jumped to his feet again. He went over to the bookshelf that had stood in the room since he had moved in. He’d never checked it. It was stacked full of books and folders that could only belong to Geralt.

He read the writing on the folders: 1st half 2018, 2nd half 2018, 1st half 2019… An organized person. Not a surprise by any means. Boring. Kinda Intimidating. He assumed the contents of the folders concerned mainly bills and official documents, so he took a look at the various books. To his surprised Geralt owned a little bit of anything. If he could’ve guessed he had assumed that his big buff roommate was a lover of dry nonfiction, maybe autobiographies of politicians. Although there were some of those, he also owned some classics Jaskier remembered only reading in high school. There were even some Shakespearean plays which the bard in him appreciated but they were also the only plays.

An old rough looking book stood out to him and he gently reached out to take it off the shelf. He almost laughed at the find: _Little Women_. He opened the board of the book and a handwritten note was stuck in-between the first pages: “To my favorite brother, so you learn to appreciate your bestest little sister!”

Oh, he had a sister! Favorite brother? Did he also have brothers? Jaskier found it difficult to imagine him in a large family. He seemed like such a sour loner, but maybe that was why. He shut the book and returned it to the shelf. He spent a few extra seconds on making sure it looked exactly like before he’d touched anything.

He was about to return to his room when he was startled by the shrill sound of the doorbell. So close to the door, it rang alarmingly loud in his ears and he yelped. He looked down on himself and wondered if he had enough time to sprint and put on a more respectable choice of clothing as for now, he only wore boxers and an old shirt covered in oil paint stains. The doorbell rang again and insisted a millisecond longer than before. Rude.

Jaskier opened. In front of him stood a beautiful woman. She looked slightly pissed but her long black hair and make-up were styled impeccably, and her juniper-green jumpsuit signaled professionalism.

“Uh, hello?”, he greeted hesitantly, unsure why someone like her would turn up at his apartment. He was too surprised to even imagine flirting with her.

“Who’re you?”, she asked. Again, rude. He figured she was someone he shouldn’t crack a joke with just by the looks of it.

“Excuse you, this is my apartment! Who are you?”

She scoffed and proceeded to nonchalantly push him aside to go past him. Jaskier protested but she was weirdly strong for a businesswoman. Or did he have a wrong picture of businesswomen? She went straight for the living room and all he could do was helplessly follow her.

“I don’t know who you are and you are trespassing!”, he stated as if he were to threaten her with legal action.

“Geralt isn’t home?”, she ignored him. “I borrowed him my book. Do you know where it is?”

So, she knew Geralt.

“No, why would I,” he lied suddenly very aware that he had snooped around in Geralt’s bookshelf. The woman rolled her eyes and went over to the very same shelf, expertly tracing the titles on the back of the books before taking out a massive one that looked like university course literature.

“You can’t just steal this! I swear, I’m calling the cops!”

“You’re as dumb as you look.”

Jaskier gasped overdramatically. He felt it, though. He was, however, definitely too scared of that woman to lay a finger on her. Thankfully, behind them, the apartment door moved and Geralt entered.

“Yen,” he greeted her as soon as he had noticed them in the living room. He wasn’t even surprised.

“So, you did get my text,” she answered. Jaskier watched back and forth between the two of them. He didn’t know what he had anticipated. To him this was an intruder but judging from Geralt’s reaction she might have been the third roommate.

“Mhm. Made it over as quickly as I could. Had a meeting.”

“Anyway, I found what I was looking for. Next time, return it before I have to scare your new friend.” She halfheartedly pointed at Jaskier who had backed off more and more into the corner of the room.

For a second, a little smirk appeared on one corner of Geralt’s mouth and Jaskier was momentarily offended that he found this funny.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to it, I guess,” he stated and left for his room.

“Name’s Yennefer. Nice to meet you, dum-dum,” she called after him and he could hear the laughter in her voice. He just had to turn around one last time like a defiant child.

“My name is Jaskier and I don’t care!” He shut his door a little harder than necessary. His headache was back, so he lay down on the bed and listened to them conversing in the living room. He waited until he heard Yennefer leaving.

“Are you alright?”, he heard her ask quietly on her way out. She sounded…gentle.

“Of course, Yen.”

A short pause. Jaskier kept so quiet he could hear his heart beating in his body.

“Okay, then. Let’s meet again sooner. It’s been a while.”

With that she excused herself and her steps echoed in the stairway. Jaskier waited a minute longer, so it didn’t seem suspicious, and got out of his room again. Curiosity got the better of him. Geralt was sitting in the kitchen and unpacked his lunchbox he had taken with him to work.

“So, who was that?”, Jaskier asked innocently.

“A friend.” Geralt was as chatty as ever.

“Uh-huh… Mean friends you got there.”

Geralt eyed him before continuing to do the dishes.

“She just pretends.”

“The way she pushed me didn’t feel very pretending but okay.” Jaskier stood and waited for Geralt to say something but the latter was done with this conversation. He put the dishes on the drying rack and ignored Jaskier as he turned around to open the fridge. Jaskier suddenly remembered the eggs.

“Thanks, by the way,” he blurted out. He didn’t want to seem unthankful. “My stomach was still pretty upset earlier, so I didn’t manage to eat anything.”

Geralt merely reached for a cold beer and quickly shut the fridge again. He averted his eyes and mumbled a short “it’s okay” before passively pushing past Jaskier. He seemed tense all of a sudden. Jaskier watched him vanish into his room and a lump formed in his stomach. He felt annoying, stupid or even rude, but he didn’t know why. He thought it was only polite to thank someone for a meal. He was confused.

Back in his room, he took out his notebook and guitar and tried to get his mind of with some compositions. If there was one thing he had liked about last night it was his performance. He remembered the bartender offering him to come by more often. Here in his little room, he decided he would take the offer. He switched his guitar for his laptop and looked up the bar. They offered open mic nights for original content once a month. Why not. A quick google search later and he had found all bars and pubs in his area that offered open mic nights, some more regularly than others. He took some quick notes on his phone and set the dates he would be free to perform as well as when it fit with his work schedule.

He had a setlist from when he busked in the streets but still, he had to practice. During the next weeks he was booked for work nearly every morning. Jaskier bit his lip and frowned. There was no getting around it. He would have to ask Geralt if it was okay to practice in the evenings when they were both home.

He sighed and got up again. There was no sound coming from Geralt’s room. It was a little frightening. He didn’t want to demand too much of his roommate so shortly after moving in. He knocked as calmly as possible. Geralt opened almost as soon as his hand had left the door. He didn’t say anything but just expectantly looked at Jaskier who fumbled with his hands.

“Hey, so…I’ve gotta work every morning the next days. You know, at the café! I was wondering- well, I wanna perform more often and I think these pubs would be a great opportunity but for this I’ve gotta have time to practice and – “

“Please get to the point,” Geralt stopped his babbling. Jaskier swallowed.

“Can I practice in the evenings? I won’t at night I promise but I wanna improve.”

“Sure.”

Jaskier was dumbfounded: “Okay?”

Geralt nodded and closed the door. Jaskier was staring ahead. His head was spinning with relief. That was easy. Too easy. He decided not to dwell on it but take the agreement for what it was. On the way back to his room, he stopped in the kitchen and took the leftover plate of scrambled egg with him to eat for dinner.


	4. Toss A Coin To Proper Practice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaskier is preparing for an open mic night. There, he meets two new women: one is a fiery redhead who already feels like a friend to him and the other might be worth a chance.
> 
> PSA: I don't really care if characters are out of character woops sorry if that ever happens in this fic. Just in case someone thought about wasting time writing a comment about this. Save yourself the time.

The worst part about being an artist was being an artist. Everything that involved artistry and the perfection of a craft was pain. Even if you didn’t properly work on anything, guilt was nagging you at all times, from morning to nightfall.

Jaskier had called some open mic bars and asked if there was a free spot for him and one had even promised him a slot within two weeks. So, apart from slaving away at work to make some money, he had practiced most evenings for the past days. He would go for an original song and a musical bit again. He practiced like a madman, polishing his vocal and enunciation technique every day for at least an hour. Then, he usually procrastinated for one more before gaining the willpower to continue.

It was two nights before his performance when he got so nervous that he just had to get a second opinion. Geralt was in the living room watching TV and working on his laptop as Jaskier positioned himself in front of him. He had his notes in his hands and his guitar on his back. Geralt looked up without much of a facial movement except for raising an eyebrow.

“I’m gonna play something. And you tell me if it’s trash.”

“Okay. Go on.”

His tall, broad roommate sank back into the cushions ready to receive a performance. His long prematurely graying hair was tied in a messy bun from which several strands had already escaped. Jaskier put down his notes and moved his guitar in front of him. It was only one song, so he was done before the news on TV were even over.

“So?”, he asked when Geralt didn’t immediately say anything.

“Awfully dramatic, isn’t it.”

Jaskier put his hands on his hips.

“Well, my friend, that is the point of drama and performing arts!?” Okay, he got a little defensive here but Geralt didn’t know of anything. This man wouldn’t recognize talent if it was right in front of him, so how should he give useful feedback.

“I’m just saying,” Geralt rebutted, a smile teasing his lips to curl. Despite his stoic demeanor, Jaskier was able to identify by now when his roommate was having fun. This was his way of ridiculing him. He felt the familiar tingle of embarrassment in the back of his neck.

“Are you saying my singing sucks?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you thought it!”

Jaskier threw his hands in the air and picked up his notes.

“Forget I asked!”

“Just adjust some lines to make it sound more human and not like some Shakespeare wannabe,” Geralt offered more of a helpful advice but Jaskier was already on the way to his room.

“Of course, Shakespeare’s like the only drama dude you know!”, he shouted back, half offended, half annoyed.

He sat down on his bed again. He wasn’t sure what he meant with making it sound more human. He was a little dramatic and used flowery language often, but this was art! It was all about taking ordinary aspects of life and embellishing them to create a greater understanding. He loved his craft. He wondered what a bigger proof of it would be: going with what he felt was right or killing his darlings after all. At least, his former English lit teacher would agree with Geralt. Always kill your darlings.

Even though Geralt’s advice hadn’t been particularly specific, and to be honest, Jaskier hadn’t given him a chance, the bard had a faint idea of which lines he meant. He got to work again and began to rewrite. His pen moved hesitantly, unsure of each line. It was hard to rework something one deemed good or even perfect. Nothing is ever perfect, he tried to remind himself. With each new line, his hand grew more confident to erase and recreate. The first time crossing out a word always hurt the most.

He went to work the next day humming the new lyrics. Just before 1 a.m., he had settled on something. It had to stick until tomorrow night. The musical cover piece he knew inside out. It was his own material that made him nervous. It was always his own. This was a pretty natural experience he knew. All of his artist friends worried about their own work the most. After all, they made themselves known like this; They made known their inner most selves.

It was three hours until he had to be at the pub that he started to panic. It was ridiculous. He had performed bigger shows. He was used to being on the stage.

“God, get yourself together,” Jaskier scolded himself.

He had told Geralt where he was going to ensure that if he vanished at least there was some direction Geralt could send the police to. He would be going alone. He hadn’t really invited Geralt because he figured that his roommate didn’t like those open mic events nyway. Jaskier wouldn’t even stay to party. He would perform, maybe drink one beer and head home. He wanted to treat this more like a gig. Also, he could play up the mysterious new stranger who left right after his song. People would wonder who he was. Frankly, he was tired from work. He wanted to sleep.

He left the apartment with his guitar after shouting a loud “bye” into the room. He didn’t wait for Geralt to respond. He was too nervous right now, but he knew himself. It would go away. Hopefully soon. He had been doing this and living this way for too long to mess up a performance because of nerves. He used to be even more anxious when he had just left his parents’ home and started his journey.

The pub was bigger than it had looked on the pictures. It was full of people, too. Jaskier went over to the bar and asked for Kyle, the owner he had spoken to on the phone. Kyle was a lanky blond guy who could barely grow a beard, but he had kind eyes and reassured Jaskier that he was going to ace his performance.

“Sorry if I talk too much,” Kyle laughed, “I like to know the artists playing here! Being talkative is good if you own a place like this.”

“I can imagine!” It helped Jaskier to let loose a little. Sitting down with his first drink, he could feel his body relax more inch by inch. Kyle had to tend to other people in the meanwhile, but always returned for a moment when he could.

“So, where are you from?”, he asked when the first artist had finished their piece. Some slam poetry bit that Jaskier actually found quite moving.

“Oh, not that far. Just outside Providence, Rhode Island.” He said the name with a little disdain. Not that the city hadn’t anything to offer but most communities he’d been invited to there were full of rich conservative snobs. Like his parents, yes. He always hoped no one would ask him after his background. Kyle seemed to take the hint.

“Not bad. Well, we are happy to have you here, tonight.” The pub owner gave him a good pat on the back and vanished again to take care of some issue in the kitchen. The new artist had already started. That meant as soon as she was done, it was his turn. Jaskier took another swig from his bottle and mentally went through his songs again.

The woman stayed on stage a moment longer until the applause subsided. Jaskier had already waited on the side for her to finish. He had barely heard her because he was concentrating so much on his lyrics. Naturally, as she had sat on the barstool on stage, it was still warm when he sat down as well. He adjusted the microphone and tuned his guitar once again. It was hot under the lights, but he loved a good spotlight. They blinded him to the extent that he couldn’t see faces past the first row. It was oddly calming.

Everybody was anticipating his first move. It was so quiet he could hear the entrance door open and close. He took a deep breath before introducing himself.

“I’d like to start with an original song before torturing you with something more known.” People laughed. One person already whistled. Drunk people were an audience of their own. His hands were surprisingly steady when he struck the first chords. He smiled as he sang. It was like pieces were falling into place. All the worry was gone. It felt so natural. It was really. He’d done this so many times. He loved nothing more.

After he finished his original, the audience applauded. Sweat was accumulating on his forehead because of the warmth and moisture in the room. It ran down into the collar of his shirt. He felt it but didn’t mind. His ecstasy kept him from thinking about anything else but his next song. He smoothly transitioned the room’s mood from a melancholic guitar song to a fun, humorous musical tune. Some even sang along.

“Thank you so much! Have a great night!”, he shouted throwing his arms in the air to strike a pose. He loved entertaining and he loved the attention.

“Well done!”

“Amazing!”

“Not bad, buddy!”

He heard the praise as he left the stage and went straight to the bar for another drink. The bartender already had one ready for him. It was free.

“Everybody who performs gets one on the house. Good job!”

“Thanks,” Jaskier answered and took the bottle. He wiped the sweat of his face and waited for his eyes to adjust in the dimly lit room after his eyes had been exposed to the harsh spotlights on stage. Before he could take his first sip, he noticed a woman with fiery red hair at the end of the room. Rather, he didn’t so much as notice her but the man she was with. Said man and his companion now waded through the audience to get to him. He put down the bottle and met them halfway.

“Oh my god, what are you doing here?!”, he shouted over the noise, confused but excited.

“Moral support,” Geralt answered roughly but Jaskier just added the affection mentally in his mind.

“You were amazing!”, the redhead said and pushed herself in front of Geralt to introduce herself.

“I’m Triss, hi!”

”Hi – ”

”I loved your song! It was so emotional, right, Geralt?” Geralt just nodded and let her talk. Typical but Jaskier appreciated them for coming.

“Thank you, it’s really nothing. Sorry, I’m…just surprised. I didn’t really invite anyone.”

“I asked Geralt if he wanted to go out and he said his friend is having a gig, so we should go.”

“I said could go,” Geralt interjected.

“Friend?”, Jaskier teased him.

“Not anymore if you’re gonna be cocky like that.”

Triss laughed and pushed the two to the counter where she ordered drinks for herself and Geralt. She was a breath of fresh air and Jaskier was pleasantly surprised after having met Yennefer. He figured that despite their differences in personality, Geralt probably got along with Triss for the fact that she talked a lot, so he didn’t have to. For Jaskier she talked just the right amount. She wasn’t overbearing or opinionated and she actually knew a little about the arts.

“So, you dance?”

“Oh, no, I did! I’m with an organization here in New York. Went to law school with Yennefer.”

“Oh, ew,” Jaskier grimaced.

Geralt rolled his eyes but Triss just laughed at his reaction.

“She’s not that bad, Jaskier,” Geralt tried to defend her.

“Mhm…”

“Debatable,” Triss said but assured Jaskier that Geralt was indeed right and Yennefer only misunderstood. Apparently, he had just met her on a bad day. They sat for longer already than Jaskier had intended. He wondered if he would be hungover again the next day, but it didn’t matter because now he was in good company.

They had finished their drinks and Triss started to yawn when a young woman approached them. She was cute, Jaskier couldn’t help but notice.

“Excuse me.” Her voice was smooth and Jaskier instantly had written a thousand songs about it in his mind.

“Your performance was great. Especially your musical number.” she scratched her head. He waited, unsure as to why she was so nervous.

“I was wondering if you’re into acting. There’s this amateur theatre group I’m part of and we’re always looking for new members.”

Jaskier looked at Triss and Geralt as if asking his parents for permission. Triss shrugged. How would she know what he liked? The girl looked even more nervous seeing her reactions.

“You don’t have to, really – “

“No! No! I want to, yes! I love acting! I’m just new in this neighborhood, so I haven’t been around much. I’m Jaskier.”

“I’m Natalie.” The girl smiled now that he showed interest. She took out a pen and grabbed his forearm to write something down.

“This is my number. Just text if you’re interested and you can come with me there sometime! Have a good night!”

“You too.”

She waved as she left into the crowd again and Jaskier helplessly looked down on his arm. He felt warm and he didn’t know if it was the beer or the girl. Probably a combination of both.

Triss playfully boxes his shoulder.

“Wow, you player. Seems like you’re already getting all the groupies, huh?”

“Oh, stop it! I’m gonna go home before I drink too much again.”

He sat up and put on his jacket. Geralt and Triss followed suit.

The air was summery but clean. Despite the party people, the night was calming and Jaskier hummed while walking home with the others. Triss joined in and what began as a melody just intended for them to hear unfolded into singing and laughter while Geralt held a healthy distance from the both of them.

They parted with Triss at the last crossroad before their block. She promised to come to his next performance as well as long as her time allowed it. When she was gone, Geralt finally spoke.

“Good job tonight.”

“So, my singing isn’t that bad after all?”

“I never said that.”

They took the stairs up to the flat. The silence between them felt comfortable. The building was quiet and Jaskier looked outside the window in the hallway with half a smile. He took in the night sky and the lights shining in the streets.

Inside, he put down his guitar on the spot and grabbed a glass of water from the tap. Geralt sat down in the living room. He was as quiet as ever, yet Jaskier sensed that he was almost…joyful. As much as a guy like Geralt would show it.

After he’d satisfied his thirst, Jaskier remembered the writing on his arm. Hastily, he pushed up the sleeves of his button up. It was a little smudged. Readable still. He took a pen he found in the kitchen drawers and wrote the number on down on some scrap paper. _Natalie,_ he noted beneath. This evening had gone better than anticipated.

“I’m going to bed,” Geralt called from the living room.

“Uh, yeah, good night.”

By the time Jaskier had finished his sentence, the door to Geralt’s room had fallen shut. The bard almost burst out into laughter. Amazing. He had a life, an apartment, a kind of supportive roommate, and now the number of a pretty girl. It was one of these rare moments in which he felt no shame about his life choices. Those glimpses of hope that he desperately chased for showed themselves in the most random moments. There was no insecurity, no guilt, no eternally scolding voice that strangely resembled his father’s in his head that would drive him mad so often.

He put the number away in the pocket of his jeans and went to wash his face in the bathroom. The cold water woke him up but reminded him of how fatigued he was at the same time. He looked at his tired eyes. A pimple was beginning to form on his chin.

“You, bastard, you did it. Hang in there,” he coached himself.

He barely brushed his teeth for more than 2 minutes when he called it quits because his body was aching for the bed. He hadn’t felt that satisfied in a while. Jaskier was overcome with love for his neighborhood, that bar, yes, even his roommate. He wouldn’t ever tell Geralt. Maybe another time. When they were better friends.

In the beginning, he’d never imagined getting along, indeed living, with such a guy. Now, he saw some glimpses of friendship. Sure, Geralt was stoic but they got along weirdly fine, Jaskier thought. Half of the contempt he had for Geralt just came from just this: He was everything Jaskier was not. The bard had felt threatened. Geralt had a career Jaskier’s parents would love, he was strong, muscular, just all around manly. Jaskier chuckled at the thought that those kinda guys had bullied him in high school. Most importantly, Geralt never overreacted. He never made a big deal out of anything. Not even when Jaskier had destroyed that vase during the sighting.

“Ugh, overthinking things much again,” he groaned half asleep.

He turned onto his side and curled up around his blanket. He was content. For the first time, he felt he could stay somewhere, and he would stay for a while. He had all the time in the world to get to know Geralt better.


	5. Toss A Coin To Your Sportsmen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to try out for some amateur theatre groups but Jaskier's first audition doesn't go as a planned. Old traumas resurface and he asks Geralt for advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: body issues, struggles with masculinity, verbal bullying
> 
> Most important aspect: Roach is finally here! 
> 
> I definitely want to spend more time with horsey/ranch related stuff in future chapters because Roach is a gem and as a former horse girl, please let me live out my fantasies, okay. 
> 
> This chapter is heavily inspired from several events in my life clearly like owning horses, working at a café and musical/theatre workshops I did, so maybe it's not too relatable for everyone but I hope you like it anyway!
> 
> It's also the longest chapter yet if I'm not mistaken.

“One grande caramel frappucino to go!”

A hasty businessman ran over and took the cold beverage from Jaskier who nodded as friendly as he could. This past shift had drained him. It was just the peak of a series of other horrible, unenjoyable shifts. First, some old lady had asked for a “rainbow tangy supreme americano” that her granddaughter loved so much and to which Jaskier replied that, regretfully, this was not a Starbucks item and if she could just tell him the ingredients of the drink.

“What do I know what’s in it?! It’s your cawfeeee”, she fell into a thick New York accent.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but we can assure you that it is not on our menu list. Would you mind taking a look at it again and choose something we have available right now?”

Yes, she minded. She didn’t exactly scream but the more upset she got, the thicker her accent and she swore to never visit the establishment again. At least she didn’t want to speak to the manager.

This lady was not the only customer who had yelled at Jaskier since he’d started the job. On one hand, he had gotten used to it. On the other hand, it was still annoying, and the more people did it the more he dreaded going to work every day.

He also had his favorite customers, but they were far and few between. It was the broke college students that treated themselves to maybe one special drink a week or the working mom that came by right after picking up her 10-year old from school. Otherwise, the job was, as he had expected, killing his will to live.

Home again, he threw his backpack into the corner and dumped himself in the living room. He mindlessly scrolled through his social media. Trash TV wasn’t as appealing anymore now that he met trash humans on every shift. Additionally, he had texted Natalie that morning, the girl who had approached him at the open mic night. He had waited a few days not because of some tactic but because he’d simply forgotten it. Okay, there was also some fear of rejection. Maybe he had hallucinated that she wanted him in their theater group. Maybe she had woken up the next day thinking: “Oh shit, he wasn’t that good.”

Well, she hadn’t answered yet. To ease his nervous anticipation, he opened his browser and looked for amateur theater groups in New York. He liked the idea of playing with others. The last time he had been in a production was five years ago in a little New England town where one of his wedding band friends was helping out with the music. Maybe it would turn out to be a useful hobby distracting him from his pointless day job.

He saved a few spots and wrote emails asking if he could audition anytime soon straight away. Before he’d sent the last one, Natalie’s name popped up on the screen.

_Oh, hi! Yes, anytime! We practice tomorrow evening. Let me know if you can come. – Natalie_

_Count me in! – Jaskier_

An additional mail appeared in his inbox: _We’re rehearsing tonight. Come by if you can._

The front door opened with a creaking noise and Jaskier whipped his head around as if it was an intruder. He nearly never saw Geralt in the morning. Somehow, they seemed to miss each other most of the time even when Jaskier had a morning shift. His roommate was wearing a suit. Unusual. Yet, Jaskier couldn’t deny that he looked handsome in it. Okay, Geralt always looked handsome but his hair was very neatly tied up, too, today.

“Did you engineer in that?”

Geralt sighed at Jaskier’s verbial use of “engineer”. The bard had only recently found out about his roommate’s job. Rather, he had gotten the general field of profession, so that he wasn’t entirely sure what Geralt did all day after all.

“I was in meetings.”

He took out the hair tie and let his long hair fall down on his shoulders.

“What a hard-working man!”, Jaskier joked as Geralt tiredly vanished in the kitchen. “I’ll leave you alone soon, don’t worry.”

He waited a few seconds. Just talking about yourself was rude but, then again, talking was his thing and he wanted attention. Obviously, Geralt didn’t inquire about why he would be left alone. He was most likely just happy to hear it. Jaskier joined him in the kitchen. Geralt was spooning heaps of cereal into his mouth staring expectantly without a word.

“I’ve got an audition today, so I can’t unfortunately stay for dinner.”

“We never eat dinner together.”

“Maybe this is a hint that we should as functioning roommates? Anyway, I’m gonna do some theatre.”

Geralt continued with his cereal.

“The girl from the bar?”

“No, I’m gonna meet her tomorrow.” Jaskier got a little nervous at the thought.

“It’s gonna be fine,” Geralt muttered and put his bowl in the dishwasher.

“Of course, I got it under control. I’m cool!”

Geralt could smell the lie but why argue. He shrugged and left Jaskier standing to take a shower. The latter listened to the sound of rushing water trying to figure out which monologue was easy enough to remember in the next two hours.

The group met in an old shabby theater that was so small that the seats were half filled with the members alone. The curtains framing the stage were of a greyish red and crinkly all over. Jaskier assumed it was dust that made the red look so dull. He came a little early to make a good impression. It was an older woman that met him first at the entrance. She walked with a strong step and an impeccable upright posture. Her hair was styled in a tight, clean bun. No hair was out of place. Due to her age, which Jaskier guessed to be in the 50s, she appeared authoritative. 

“You’re the one who emailed me?”, she asked sternly. Jaskier nodded and they shook hands. He tried to correct his posture a little. Maybe it would impress her subconsciously.

Member after member poured in and Jaskier introduced himself to each and every one. Some seemed surprised that he tried to audition for just their group. It was clear that not everyone liked working under the older woman but everybody respected her. Or feared her. He wasn’t sure. She was the director and directors were to be feared.

“Attention!” she clapped her hands when the last ones had arrived and sat down. “Today we’ve got another audition. As we have not yet decided which play to perform next, it is up to –“ she looked expectantly at the newcomer.

“Jaskier.”

“ – Jaskier to present his talents to us in a way he deems appropriate.”

He swallowed. He’d prepared his monologue and a short song to show off his singing abilities. The crowd stayed silent and barely threw him a look, which comforted and made him nervous at the same time.

“But first,” the director added, “time for our warm-up.”

Now, everybody moaned but they got themselves up reluctantly. Jaskier’s head spun around frantically. He decided to just get lost in the crowd that was assembling on the stage while the director remained beneath them on the floor. As he was awaiting her to take a seat at one of the pianos for the vocal warm-up, he watched her staring at the people finding a good measure of distance between each other.

“What the-?”

He didn’t get to finish sounding his verbal bafflement as the director screamed at them to get down. Her pounding voice was amplified in the small, yet well-constructed, theater. At once, the crowed around him got moving with burpees. Still in shock, Jaskier automatically followed suit.

“What is going on?!”

“She always makes us do this. Get used to it,” someone in the crowd panted.

The director took a look at her wristwatch.

“Don’t forget, we do physical work on this stage! I want you to be in top form!” she shouted at her actors upon counting the time.

The air was getting thinner. Jaskier was getting sweatier. With all his effort, he tried to keep up with the others who were clearly used to this. What acting group did this?! When it came to the quick knee highs and sprinting from one end of the stage to the other, touching the floor at each end, it was for the first time in his entire life that Jaskier felt like he was actually dying. His knees were aching, his legs burned as if someone had exchanged his bones for a hot iron bar. He hadn’t drunk enough water for this.

Around him, everybody was keeping up as if it was nothing. At last, when they were supposed to go for push-ups, Jaskier collapsed after five. Still better than what he had expected. Still not enough to not be noticed as the others kept on pushing.

“You’re fairly out of training, aren’t you?”, some guy behind him commented.

“Sorry, I’m an artist, not an athlete,” he shot back. Jaskier decided it was right to remain flat on his belly for now. Everything hurt and he could barely catch his breath.

“Yeah, a weak one at that.”

Jaskier whipped his head around to face the guy: “Do you wanna fight?!”

“No talking during the warm-up! We’re almost done,” the director called them out.

Shakily, Jaskier came to his feet. His head was red, partly because of the exercise and partly because of the embarrassment of failing. Hurtful memories hit him.

“I’m sorry, I think I’ll better be going,” he huffed.

Of course, the guy behind him couldn’t shut up.

“Yeah, dude, get some protein bars.”

He had to restrain himself from kicking the guy straight in the head. Although, he could hear several people telling the guy to stop, he didn’t feel particularly supported. In the back of his head, the remarks bounced off the walls and echoed loudly. No one said anything as Jaskier grabbed his backpack and headed for the door.

The night was cool. Soon, he realized it had been a mistake to leave the house without a jacket but who would’ve known. The sweat that was sticking to his body turned cold. He started freezing a little. Thankfully, the theater was only a short bus ride from his place. He tried to stop the voices in his head.

_Weak!_

_Lame!_

_Fragile!_

_Eat a protein bar!_

He rushed up the stairs and locked himself in his room immediately. It wasn’t the time to replay old trauma. Unfortunately, the trauma didn’t care for that. From his bed, Jaskier could see himself in the mirror.

He had never been the most muscular. It wasn’t a problem or was it? Were those boys from back in high school right after all? He lifted his arms and turned them in every direction.

_Look at how skinny he is!_

No, he wasn’t 17 anymore! He’d grown. It was visible. But was it enough?

He jumped at the knock on his door. No one had ever knocked on his door.

“Do you want dinner?”

Geralt’s voice was rough as usual. Of course, he wouldn’t ask how the audition went. Thankfully. He’d probably forgotten it.

“No,”Jaskier answered, “…thanks.”

His bad mood must’ve been audible in his voice. The door cracked open and Geralt caught a glimpse of Jaskier huddled on his bed. It was indeed the first time Jaskier got in an even worse mood upon seeing his roommate.

“All good?”

“Can you please just leave me alone?!”

He felt bad but he was too mad in that moment. He could see how baffled Geralt was at his outburst. For a few seconds, Geralt didn’t say a word before actually excusing himself and leaving Jaskier to himself.

He wouldn’t get it, the bard thought. Geralt’s arms were bigger than Jaskier’s face! He was huge, women loved him, and he was not a fuck up. The world was unfair. He tried to keep himself from crying. Crying was reserved for acting. He couldn’t be sad about some comments made by a stranger.

A sudden rush of will, got him out of bed. He got down to aim for ten push-ups. He desperately worked through the pain. Gritting his teeth, he tensed his arms but somehow, they struggled to bear his weight after five, five and a half, six… He sunk to the floor. No one had seen anything and yet he was embarrassed. He stayed still on the floor for a few minutes and cried silently.

It was almost midnight when Jaskier had it in him to go take a shower. The crying had clarified his head a little. He was still unsure what to do. His eyes fell onto Geralt’s shower gel. It was all black and manly. Oh, damn you, gendered marketing! Still, an idea popped into his head. The thought was humiliating but if he already lived with a beefcake, why not ask the beefcake for advice.

He stepped out of the shower, brushed his teeth, and put another shirt on. He would go to bed soon, but he couldn’t stand his naked body to be seen at that moment.

For some reason, a reason Jaskier was thankful for because he felt less like an annoyance, Geralt was still up working on his laptop in the living room. He looked up immediately when Jaskier entered. His eyes were cautious. Jaskier figured he had to apologize first.

“I- Sorry, I was in a bad mood.”

“I figured.”

Jaskier started fidgeting. It was a simple question. Would it tell too much? He’d never talked about his insecurities with anyone. Not seriously, in any case.

“Hey, so,” he swallowed hard, “can I ask you something? You don’t have to – “

“Sure.”

“So, uhm… I don’t know. What do you,” he gestured vaguely with his arms into Geralt’s direction, “do for this?”

Geralt was clearly confused. Jaskier was unsure how to say this in a way that didn’t sound overly flattering or creepy to not make his roommate and himself uncomfortable.

“Like, do you train? Do you jog or…?”

“Are you asking me for fitness advice?”

“I guess…”

The room suddenly felt extremely hot. Jaskier was already preparing to turn around and run to safety.

“You can come with me sometime when you’re available,” Geralt offered.

Jaskier couldn’t sense any judgement or ridicule. He relaxed.

“Oh, thank you. Yes, I’ll come anytime!”

“Tomorrow? Oh, sorry, you’re meeting –”

Right, he wanted to meet with Natalie…

“I’ll cancel. Don’t worry, I can meet her next week.”

If he’d already put on some muscle by then, even better.

“Are you sure? Is everything okay?”

An invisible ball smashed right into Jaskier’s guts. He laughed nervously. Since when was Geralt so… worried for his well-being? His usual stoicism seemed to have left him.

Jaskier sighed: “I kinda failed the audition today. They were a… sporty group.”

“What kind of theater group is sporty?”

“Yes, thank you! I thought the same!”, the bard exclaimed.

He leaned against the wall and looked down on his feet.

“But like, I need to work out, I guess. It’s been a long time coming. I think this is a sign.”

“Hm.”

Geralt’s answer signaled him to leave it be for now. It was late. There was work tomorrow for both of them. After all, Jaskier had achieved his goal: he would accompany Geralt to the gym tomorrow. He already cringed at the thought of entering a real gym. He hated it. In general, sports were not part of his interests. He’d avoided them for years until now.

He wished Geralt goodnight when the latter raised his voice one last time.

“You know you don’t have to workout to be successful, right? Those guys are just strange.”

Jaskier froze but managed to nod before leaving Geralt to himself. ‘Those guys’ were at least acting on a stage. They did shows regularly. Jaskier worked at Starbucks and hadn’t managed to find a paid gig in a while. Busking could only get him so far.

He appreciated his roommates concerns but he couldn’t accept them. Not right now. He decided the sooner he fell asleep the better.

“I’m out!” Jaskier shouted at his co-worker as he left the café and headed home. He’d been buzzing with nervousness the whole day. It had seemed like a good offer last night when Geralt had suggested to take him to the gym. Now, it filled him with dread. He was so aware of how unfit he was. He was huffing and puffing if he just climbed the three stairs to their apartment. Embarrassment and failure were inevitable. Even worse, there would be people. If it wasn’t humiliating enough to fail in front of his muscly roommate’s eyes, Jaskier was also about to put himself on display for other muscly dudes and pretty girls. Yes, this was worse. He’d found something that was worse than failing on stage. Forgetting to bring on a prop was less painful than losing your dignity in gym shorts.

As it turned out, he didn’t even have gym shorts, so he passed by a store on the way home and decided to buy the cheapest most basic attire: a pair of shorts, which he had to admit made his bottom look great, a loose shirt because there was nothing that should be seen tight-fitted on his body and some black running shoes.

As usual, Jaskier was home first. He grabbed an apple as a quick snack. Healthy eating was part of getting jacked, right? He eyed the eggs that were in the fridge. He’d never seen anybody do it in real life, but movies did say that bodybuilders drank a couple of raw egg whites a day. He grimaced in disgust at the thought and closed the fridge door.

His phone vibrated and a message from Natalie popped up. She hadn’t made a big deal out of his cancellation and he was more than relieved given that he’d sent the message only this morning. Promising to meet her next week, he had slyly suggested he bring her a coffee to “make up for it”. She’d seen right through him and suggested instead that they could just get coffee together before heading to the rehearsal. Oh, the sweet smell of success!

Geralt came home later than expected. He didn’t even take a break but grabbed his duffel bag straight away and Jaskier followed suit. The bard was surprised to find they were taking Geralt’s car. New York traffic was a mess and he had assumed the gym wasn’t far from their place given that working out…should be a regular thing.

“We’re not going to the gym,” Geralt stated when they were already driving. He took an exit east heading out for Long Island.

“What? I thought we’re gonna workout?”

Jaskier was extremely confused but also realized that he might’ve bought and packed his new attire for nothing.

“I told you I’d take you when I train and to be honest, I haven’t been to the gym in a while. Let’s say this is more…physical work in general.”

“If you’re abducting me to kill me in some forest, I swear I’m gonna scream.”

“Don’t be dramatic.”

The ride took some 40 minutes and brought them on a road lined by massive old trees. At the end of the road, Jaskier made out an old wooden farmhouse with traditional white fencing. The gate was open and Geralt parked his car right next to a giant off-road truck.

Jaskier was shocked. While Geralt got out to get his duffel bag from the backseat, the bard stared open-mouthed at his surroundings. He hadn’t been on a farm since that one time he'd been booked a wedding gig in the middle of nowhere.

He quickly grabbed his bag and followed Geralt who was intentionally taking longer to adjust his things. Immediately, the smell hit Jaskier. This wasn’t city terrain. The stank of Gasoline and smoke he’d gotten so used to was replaced with hay, dirt and droppings. It wasn’t exactly vile to him, but it wasn’t really pleasant either.

“What is happening?”

“I help out sometimes. Fixing some fencing. Afterwards, let’s fetch a ride,” Geralt explained as if it was the most normal thing to randomly kidnap a roommate to spend an evening at a farm. Jaskier didn’t know how to handle his poise.

“A ride home?” he asked.

“A ride on a horse, Jaskier.”

Horse? Like, the animal? Jaskier felt himself going insane. Yet, there was nothing else to do but follow Geralt. He couldn’t just head home. There was no bus station anywhere nor did he have a driver’s license.

A small woman approached them. She wore tight fitting pants and boots that reached right below her knee. The lower half was muddy, but the upper shaft was black and shiny. It was quite the look and Jaskier made a mental note to look for those boots online.

“Thanks for helping out again,” she greeted Geralt like an old friend. Geralt only shrugged.

“No problem.”

She noticed Jaskier and politely reached out to greet him as well.

“Hi, I’m Claire.”

“Jaskier, hi. Nice to meet you.”

He introduced himself as a friend of Geralt and made up a narrative of some sort of curiosity about his roommate’s past-time activities to justify coming along when he’d never been on a farm out of his own will ever. Claire noticed that immediately. She told him she blamed it on his outfit. It was a fairly generic jeans and t-shirt combo, so he wasn’t sure what she meant or if it was even an insult.

He followed Geralt behind the farmhouse to the stables. The horses were everywhere! They stared at them so bluntly with their creepy eyes and large nostrils. Jaskier made sure to keep a good distance between him and the animals for safety measures. Some just breathed too loudly if they weren’t flat out screaming at them.

“They’re just happy to see you,” Geralt joked, “There are rarely strangers here.”

“Are you saying they recognize me as an intruder? This doesn’t help one bit!”

They entered one of the smaller stables that only housed four horses. One of them reached his head out of its box as soon as their steps were audible on the concrete floor. It was of a chestnut brown color and its eyes, although softer than the rest of the horses Jaskier had seen before, gleamed with a sense of intelligence, yes almost mischievousness. He was immediately cautious but Geralt went right ahead and pet the tall animal’s long head and strong neck. He looked the closest Jaskier had ever seen him to being in love.

As if the day couldn’t get any weirder, he heard Geralt say: “Hi, baby.” Now, that was new. That was unexptected.

“So, you’re a farmer?”

“My family are wranglers.”

Jaskier had only ever heard that profession in connection with film and TV but he didn’t want to seem like a dumbass, so he just nodded.

“I brought her with me when I moved to New York.”  
“I was never allowed any pets, but I found and took home a stray cat once and hid it from my parents for two weeks,” Jaskier answered proudly. He was glad that Geralt didn’t force him to pet the horse or come closer. He was comfortable standing a good ten feet away and just observing.

They left the horse, Geralt had introduced her as Roach, and went over to the paddocks to fix some fencing. The broken pine wood boards hung split and open. The attached wire mesh was all bend. Jaskier was supposed to help him tear the bad parts of and hammer new boards in. He could do that. Easy.

Jaskier was panting ten minutes in. If he did hit a nail here and there, most of his hits were too weak but Geralt waited patiently for him to finish his part. It was mainly spite that drove Jaskier. No way would he leave until this was done and every piece of wood sat nicely the way it should. His shoulders and arms were aching.

Afterwards, all that was left was to attach new mesh wire, which Geralt did quickly by himself, and the fence was as good as new.

Jaskier’s shirt was drenched in sweat. He was sure the summer heat had done its part in that. He didn’t even get to change it when they were back at the stable and Geralt grabbed two saddles and bridles from the tack room.

“Oh, no no no,” Jaskier said, “I’m not getting on one of those.”

“You’ll like it. It’s a workout,” Geralt answered as he proceeded to bridle Roach and the small grey in the box next to hers. Before saddling, he handed Jaskier a bristle brush.

“Clean Turner a little.”

Turner, the grey, and Jaskier stared at each other for a moment to establish if any of them had a major problem with this. Jaskier moved closer inch by inch stopping in his tracks every time Turner moved just slightly.  
“I’m not so sure about this,” he stated nervously.

“I’m sure about it. Don’t worry too much.”

Geralt helped the bard saddle the horse and lead them out the stable, behind the barn, on a trail that vanished deep into the forest.

It was a piece of work getting Jaskier into the saddle, but Turner remained calm and patient. The saddle was hard but comfortable at the same time. The leather was stretched but worn. It also depended on how Jaskier positioned himself in the seat and Geralt advised him to aim for a straight back at all times. He would lose his form because he was untrained, but the goal was to keep his chin up and back straight as much as possible.

Jaskier followed behind his roommate. Turner was slower than Roach, which relaxed the bard a little. Better a lazy horse than one that sped off into the unknown. As Turner had no regard for the human sitting on top of him and Jaskier wasn’t yet able to lead correctly, the newbie rider had to duck some overhanging branches and bushes.

Other than that, the ride was rather calm. They never went faster than a good walking speed. The quiet was tranquil and a welcome change from the loud, ever rushing streets of the city, Jaskier was itching for some small talk.

“So, that’s your thing, huh,” he attempted to start a conversation. Although Geralt hadn’t shown any signs of annoyance, Jaskier’s anxiety was cautious not to let their “little moment” to turn sour.

“Why did you move to New York if your parents have a ranch? Isn’t city life like super different compared to country life?”

His question hung in the air for a moment and Jaskier was sure Geralt wouldn’t answer it when:

“Agriculture isn’t exactly profitable. Especially, when you’re an independent family ranch that doesn’t rely on mass husbandry.”

“- Uh…”

“Factory farming.”

“Ah, yeah, of course.”

“I moved for college, then I got a job. So, I figured I’d save up some money for a while before going back,” Geralt explained.

“So, you do wanna go back?”

“That’s the plan.”

It surprisingly saddened Jaskier a little to imagine Geralt moving out. Then, he shook his head upon realizing how ridiculous it was; if anyone of them were to move out first it was himself because he could never afford to live at their apartment alone for even a month. Also, it seemed like moving back to his family’s farm was the plan for a more distant future. Hopefully.

After a cozy 30-minute ride, they arrived back at the stable. It was almost 8p.m., so Geralt took care of the horses quickly, so that they could be on their way as soon as possible. Jaskier even managed to confidently pat Turner on the neck.

During the ride home, Jaskier began to feel his legs aching. He’d been a little wobbly on his feet after dismounting the grey but figured it would fade. It only got worse when they went up the stairs at home.

“Thanks for the experience,” Jaskier said before they moved into their private rooms. “I guess I’ll stick to the gym, though. Gonna look some up, now.”

“No problem,” Geralt assured him, “but still, it’s no use if you don’t train for your own enjoyment. People will talk anyway. You don’t need it. You’re fit.”

Later, in the private of his room, Jaskier lay silently staring at the ceiling. Did Geralt just give him a compliment?


	6. Toss A Coin To Your Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaskier goes on a date. That's basically it. Just some sweet first date/love romance stuff.

He didn’t anticipate this. He didn’t think this would be a problem. Or rather, she would be a problem.

It was the middle of the night when Jaskier woke up because of the main door swinging open in the hallway, rumbling and voices. The voices spoke less than they…moaned. He knew immediately that it was Yennefer. Her snide voice was branded into his brain and she commanded Geralt where to touch her. Well, this was awkward.

He listened to them making out in the hallway before they moved on at once to Geralt’s room. They knocked something over on their way there, but Yennefer just laughed and Geralt’s door opened and closed soon after. Great, she probably wasn’t one to clean up her mess in the morning.

Jaskier turned over to his side. He had to sleep. There was work in the morning and in the afternoon, he’d finally meet Natalie again and try out for her acting group. It was a big day. He needed his beauty sleep.

A horrendous screech, okay maybe he was exaggerating, shot through the walls of their apartment. He sighed. Please, let her come quick. Jaskier’s wish wasn’t granted as the moaning and screaming continued. Frankly, he was impressed after a while. It was annoying, though. 

As the two lovebirds continued on, he decided to check his phone. Natalie was online. He wondered if it was weird to send her a message this late but he decided to continue their previous conversation.

_Actually, I take that back. I think the velociraptor has made the biggest impact in modern media. – Jaskier_

_How so? – Natalie_

He smiled at how she didn’t even question his late-night message and was even awake as well.

_Everybody loves them. Everybody mentions the T.Rex as their fav but they also know that velociraptors are cooler cause faster and cuter cause smaller. – Jaskier_

_Fair enough. I think I agree - Natalie_

Someone was in the kitchen and poured themselves a glass of water. Jaskier stayed still. Hopefully he hadn’t made a sound that let them know he heard everything. The person returned and to Jaskies dismay, the moaning continued.

“Jesus, woman. Chill…”

He managed to fall asleep, phone in his hand, despite the noise soon after.

Jaskier is convinced Yennefer is the devil. Or at least a demon. The way she stands there in the morning all cocky. In their kitchen! While he is trying to eat! Her hands are perfectly manicured, her skin is perfect, and her black hair looks soft and luscious even though she apparently just got up.

“How’s it going with your hobby?”, she asks him innocently while he tries to spoon the cereal as quickly as possible to get to work.

“Music. Is not. My hobby. It’s my job!”

“A job is something you get paid enough for to survive.”

“Listen lady -!”

“- Please don’t do this in the morning,” Geralt interrupted them. Coming right out of the shower, he wore only a towel and Jaskier couldn’t avoid looking and…admiring how fit he was. He’d have to work out a lot before he could get there. Every woman would want him then. He snapped out of it and defended himself in return.

“She started it!”

“I was just showing interest in your life,” Yennefer said with a smooth tongue.

Geralt only sighed at them. Jaskier didn’t feel any particular warmth between them. Their behavior left him wondering how much they did care for each other. This was obviously a regular thing to happen. They’d done this before. Yet, he never heard Geralt talking about Yennefer or if he had a girlfriend; however, he had to admit that Yennefer did smile at Geralt’s antics as he poured himself coffee and cursed as some drops missed the cup. So, he concluded that she did care. The witch had a heart. How curious.

He left the odd couple to themselves and headed to work. The days were getting colder, were getting a bit more bearable. It was September soon. The summer had gone by fast. Natalie’s group was really the last one he’d audition for. The ones he’d been to during the last week all left him without a response afterwards. Fortunately, none of them criticized him for his lack of physical ability.

Still, he had found and gone to a gym and was getting more and more comfortable going there. He usually stuck to himself, listening to music and blending out his surroundings. If he couldn’t see anyone looking at him, then no one was, in fact, looking at him.

It was unlikely that Natalie would notice any difference, but he felt better about himself already. And didn’t Geralt even say that was the important part?

It was five minutes before his shift ended that Natalie entered the café. He recognized her immediately despite not having seen her for weeks. Her hair was a little tousled, but her coat looked impeccably clean and stylish. They waved at each other and she chose to wait in a booth and took out a book Jaskier wasn’t able to recognize from afar.

On his way to clean the tables the last time, he asked for her order.

“I’m off in a minute, let me just prepare the drinks.”

“Sure, I love a man that knows his way around a kitchen.”

He winked and prepared two vanilla lattes for both of them.

They strolled aimlessly through the neighborhood, continuing their discussion about dinosaurs in media and finding out about the others’ interests.

“I’ve been acting since I was seven,” she said.

“Seven? I didn’t even know theaters existed then!”

“Yeah, my mum tried acting too when she was younger. I guess she pushed me in the direction.”

Jaskier loved her voice. It was high-pitched but not annoyingly so. Just very sweet and clearly trained. Every once in a while, as if her feet were too excited to pay attention to obstacles lying in their way, she would trip, and he reached out for her in case she’d fall and she’d say thank you in the most relieved way. It was cute because the way she walked didn’t show any signs of clumsiness. Her step was determined. Always knowing where to go next and sure about it. Despite how many times she tripped, her feet never became more careful. Insecurity was a trait she didn’t seem to have or at least, she didn’t show it openly.

“What’s that book you’ve been reading earlier?” He figured it wouldn’t hurt to talk more about Natalie and also, he was just curious. The cover had seemed vaguely familiar but behind the counter, he didn’t make out the title.

“Oh, nothing special. Here,” she opened her bag and grabbed the novel for him to examine. Now, he remembered. Geralt owned the exact same copy: _Little Women._

“Oh!”

“Have you read it?”

“Phew, last time was probably in high school, but my roommate owns it, too.”

Her body language turned more reluctant as she waited for Jaskier to continue.

“You have a roommate?”

“Yeah, can’t afford my own place, yet. Is that weird?”

“No no, I was just wondering!”

“He’s a good guy. You should meet him sometime. Although, a bit grumpy,” Jaskier added in hopes that he didn’t just advertise his attractive roommate to his date. Natalie relaxed again as she realized that Jaskier was not, in fact, living with another woman. It took Jaskier a bit to recognize this.   
When he did, he quickly assured her: “Oh, sorry. I should’ve said…No, there’s not really anybody…else in my life right now.” Did he sound self-deprecating?

“Good to know.” There was a twinkle in her eye. She emptied her cup and threw it into the trash can closest to them. It was time for them to get to the audition.

Jaskier enjoyed himself immensely. Not just with Natalie but her whole group. After she’d helped him perform a scene, he was promptly invited to take part in the improv. One guy, Dan, answered him any possible question Jaskier could think of and even added trivia about the history of their theater as the evening continued.

When it was time to leave, Natalie followed him to the subway.

“You were so good today,” she laughed, “The thing you did with Amber? So, crazy!”

“Stop, you’re making me blush” He raised a hand to his forehand and pretended to faint. “You’re not so bad yourself.

“I hope so.”

Among a crowd of commuters, they stood awkwardly next to each other. Both too shy to know where to go from there. When Natalie stepped closer to him, Jaskier almost lost his breath.

“It was nice today.”

“It was,” he agreed dumb.

She stroked some hair behind her ear and cleared her throat. He couldn’t stop staring at her face.

“I doubt you don’t get the part, so… I guess we’ll see each other again?”, she asked carefully. Jaskier nodded.

“Yes, I would like that.”

Then, Natalie grinned. Forgotten was her shyness and she raised herself on her tiptoes. A small, soft hand came to rest on one cheek while her mouth kissed the other so gently. When she withdrew, they looked at each other until she went back in quickly planted a kiss on his mouth.

The train rushed in and Jaskier whipped his head around in shock. He wanted to stay longer.

“Go, I’ll see you another time!”, she pushed him away laughing.

He waved at her as enntered the car closest to him. His cheek was already aching for another touch. His mouth was aching for another kiss. They watched each other as they waited for the train to separate them. Jaskier swore that a second longer, and he would’ve jumped out again right back into her arms. Maybe he could’ve walked her home. Maybe he could’ve spent the night. All was better than to leave so soon after he’d just seen the light.

The apartment had never felt so empty and lackluster but Jaskier was still daydreaming. He’d planned their future home in his head. They would have a dog and a cat, and they would run their own theater or agency or bookshop... The possibilities were endless!

Geralt was on the sofa watching TV, so Jaskier took that as an opportunity to pour out the overwhelming amount of love that was stored in his body.

“You know what: You were right!”

“I was?” Geralt asked confused and a little scared of Jaskier’s hypersocial extrovert antics.

“I just need to believe in myself! I need to do what I like, not what others want me to do!”

“Did I say that?”

Geralt couldn’t even react quickly enough to avoid Jaskier who pat him on the shoulder and even rested his hand there as he stared off onto an imaginary horizon.

“O spirit of love! how quick and fresh art thou!”

Geralt shook of his hand, visibly confused and slightly annoyed.

“What’s going on?”

“I, my friend, have a girlfriend,” Jaskier proudly exclaimed. “Well, maybe…Soon!”

Geralt sat still. Jaskier could see him think and then his stoic roommate sunk back into the cushions. His face was harder and less happy and supportive than the bard would’ve hoped for.

“Congrats. Can I watch my show, now?”

Jaskier took a step back from Geralt. Maybe he had overdone it a little. Boasting was not very flattering either.

“Sure, sorry. I’ll see you.”

This was a push back but still, the butterflies in Jaskier’s stomach came immediately back to life when he was alone in his room and the thought of Natalie returned. Of course, he thought, compared to her Yennefer was such a rude person. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen her joyful or flirty. For whatever reason Geralt might have been stuck on her, Jaskier was of the opinion that he deserved better. There was nothing per se he himself could do to help but he figured when Geralt came down from his mood swing, they could talk about it like real friends. Just dudes talking about their problems. Jaskier was sure when Geralt would meet Natalie properly, he would realize what a waste of time hooking up with Yennefer was.

Natalie. He took out his phone and sure enough, a message. She must’ve texted him right after they had parted.

_See you next week – Natalie_

Oh, so she already made plans. Nice! Another message popped up. It was the director of Natalie’s group: _You’re welcome to join us. See you next week!_

He laughed. That was why she made plans. Before continuing to text her all night, he quickly assured the director he’d be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “O spirit of love! how quick and fresh art thou!” - recited from Twelfth Night by Shakespeare
> 
> As usual and always, thank you to my beta reader flintss.tumblr.com! Love you bby!


	7. Toss A Coin To Your Confused Teenagers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaskier and his girlfriend try to enjoy their movie night when Geralt brings home a rascal of a teenager.

August passed and so did September. The days turned colder, windier. Jaskier turned warmer and the more time he spent with Natalie, the more he was obsessed with her. Between busking, working his job and meeting her, he saw Geralt less and less. He told himself it was a good thing.

After telling him that he and Natalie were officially a couple, confirmed through posting their first couple picture on social media and all, his roommate had just taken it with the same stoic expression he always wore. Although a bit slow, Jaskier wasn’t stupid. He felt something was off. Geralt wasn’t rude but it felt as if time had been turned back and their conversations likened those they’d had when Jaskier had just moved in.

“She’s nice,” Geralt said after she’d been at their place for the first time.

Jaskier was relieved to hear that it wasn’t some sort of grudge that the other man held against her. Although, it also didn’t explain why he had grown so…quiet. Quieter than Jaskier had come to see him throughout the months they had lived together.

Natalie didn’t seem to notice. And really, after a few weeks, things between him and Geralt were back to as normal as they could be. Still, Jaskier had stopped practicing at home after 5 p.m. and began doing his dishes again straight after having his meal. Whatever he’d done to deserve Geralt’s coldness, he would avoid agitating him any further.

He compensated the lack of practicing at home by simply busking more on the streets. He was making a good extra income next to his job. He even had some regulars stopping by sometimes to listen to him.

On Thursdays, he was at practice with Natalie. They were rehearsing some strange romantic comedy piece by an underground playwright. Apparently, a friend of the director.

They were set to premier in October, running for two weeks right before Thanksgiving.

Jaskier’s and Natalie’s freshly fallen in-love aura transpired into their play as the playwright and director decided to cast them as love interests. Fair enough. The more time he could spend looking at that woman and kissing her, the better. It didn’t matter that she didn’t like his favorite band or was giving him more directions than the director during rehearsal. It didn’t matter that she hated that he was often late or forgetful. She also let him put his head in her lap during lazy afternoons when they watched movies. Her hand would run through his hair, gently pulling on it.

She pushed him to write more, to play more, to do more. It was for her that he wanted to improve and evolve. A little part of his inner monologue would remind him how much he didn’t deserve her when she would forgive him some mistake. He was lucky to have her. She was perfect and if he couldn’t match it, he would try to become as close to her as possible. He felt like he had been chosen by a merciful goddess.

The sky teared open and flooded the streets on the weekend she was staying over. They were lying on the couch watching _Mean Girls_ as the rain poured, and thick drops rhythmically hit the windows.

Geralt had left all of a sudden, and without an explanation, an hour earlier. To their surprise, he returned with a girl. Literally, a girl. She couldn’t have been older than 16

Jaskier paused the movie and the lovebirds watched with shameless curiosity as Geralt and the girl took of their coats. Both were drenched from head to toe. The girl’s long, silver-dyed hair stuck to her face and the nape of her neck. Her make-up was smeared as well but the redness of her eyes led Jaskier to assume that she’d been crying.

“Hi,” the girl said and waves at them. They waved back.

Geralt handed her a small towel to dry off most of the wetness. When her make-up was even more smeared around her face, she introduced herself properly.

“Sorry, for bursting in like this. My name’s Ciri. I’m just – “

“- Yennefer’s cousin,” Geralt finished her sentence.

“Oh, ew,” Jaskier answered instinctively and Natalie half-heartedly hit his side with her elbow.

“I see, Yen makes friends wherever she goes as usual.” The girl laughed and Jaskier was relieved that she took it with humor.

Natalie immediately switched to big sister mode and sat down next to Ciri on the floor. It was obvious that something had happened. Geralt vanished into the kitchen and started the kettle. Before he even asked, Jaskier screamed “Coffee!” and the others answered with their preferred choice of beverage.

“Should we call Yennefer, then?” Jaskier asked. He didn’t know what to do with a random cousin in his house. She seemed distressed but also like the apartment was familiar to her.

“Oh god, no. There’s a reason I called Geralt and not her,” she answered with a forced smile.

“What happened?”, Natalie asked.

Geralt returned from the kitchen and handed everyone their cup one by one. He sat down on the sofa next to Jaskier. Their knees touched and Jaskier wiggled over to give the bigger man a bit more room.

“You fucked up is what happened,” Geralt addressed Ciri directly. “I can’t save your ass this time.”

“I’m not expecting you to! But can I at least relax for a second, okay?”

Jaskier sipped his coffee. It was strong but just the right amount of sugar. Before his thoughts could trail off to how Geralt could’ve possible known how much to put in apart from watching Jaskier make his own, Natalie assured her she could stay and join their movie night if she wanted. Jaskier agreed. Why not.

“You need to go home at one point.” Geralt was still onto her. He wasn’t judging her, but he wasn’t pleased with her either.

“So, still, what happened?”, Jaskier inquired again.

“I don’t know. Got dropped by my friends, I guess.”

“You did weed behind some dumpster and got caught.”

“Yeah, and they just fuckin’ drove off while I was running for my life.”

Geralt pinched his nose and sighed. It was clear that he didn’t want to talk about it. Either because it was just the talking or that Ciri didn’t seem to realize the consequences of her action.

“Do you still have the weed?”

“Jaskier!”, Geralt and Natalie exclaimed unanimously.

“No! I mean do you have it on you in case someone checks you?”

“No, it wasn’t mine!”

“Good.”

He assured her that everybody ran from the police at least once in their life.

“That’s not true.”

“You’ve just not done it YET, Geralt.”

“Who says I haven’t?”

Everybody furrowed their brows in confusion as they looked at who they all considered to be the prime example of a responsible adult. Geralt ignored the staring and asked for their cups to pour them more tea and coffee.

“Anyway,” Ciri continued, “I can’t call Yen. She will rat me out to my parents. And she’ll kick my ass. I’ll just wait it out one night and go home tomorrow.”

“Maybe we should freshen you up first in the bathroom and put some dry clothes on you,” Natalie suggested and the two left for the bathroom.

“Wait, I’ll give you one of my shirts,” Geralt said and quickly grabbed one from his room.

Jaskier hadn’t sat with him alone in the living room for weeks. The atmosphere was filled with a strange, thick distance between the two, but Jaskier couldn’t stand the silence.

“She seems like a nice girl.”

Geralt bemusedly blew out some air through his nose.

“Too smart for her own good.”

“Will her parents be mad at her?”

The mention of her parents had brought up some bad memories about his own. If they were only close to being as strict as his were, he worried for her. Geralt looked at him but refrained from asking about the curiosity.

“No,” he assured him, “they will scold her, but they love her to death. She just doesn’t see it at her age.”

“Must be nice.”

“Are you not going to see your family for Thanksgiving?”

Jaskier winced. His hands started fidgeting again. He hadn’t thought much about the fact that it was Thanksgiving in about a month. Then, Christmas and New Year’s. The last years, he had mostly spent those holidays at home or working at fancy restaurants as a musician to create holiday background noise.

“Nah, haha, I’m an independent man! I’ll see if I get some work during the holidays. Pays better.” He forced a smile. His laughter had been a little too loud and a little too fun. Geralt watched him carefully. They could hear Ciri and Natalie talk in the bathroom.

“You can come with me if you want to. I’m going to my parents’ place for a week.”

Geralt’s suggestion came out of the blue for Jaskier. His brain had to work through the message as if it was malfunctioning. Jaskier suspected he was just being nice and wanted Jaskier to decline the offer.

“No, I can’t possibly intrude.”

“There is always place for someone else. It’s a ranch. You’d have to help though.”

The bathroom door swung open with laughter. They’d managed to get all of Ciri’s runny make-up off and the young girl wore Geralt’s shirt that was at least four sizes too big for her. It hung on her like a baggy dress.

“Think about it,” Geralt said to him and stood up to offer his seat to Natalie.

Jaskier tried to speak but it got stuck in his throat. Natalie kissed his cheek, but he barely noticed it.

The rain was still pouring outside as the sun was sending its last rays over the horizon and the world turned dark. Ciri carefully studied Geralt’s Netflix library and decided on a horror movie that Natalie wasn’t exactly keen on.

“It’s fine. I’ll be going to bed. I’m pretty tired. You guys have a good time!”

“Same for me,” Geralt announced and headed for his room. “Don’t do anything stupid, Ciri.”

She stuck his tongue out and wished him goodnight. Jaskier kissed Natalie one last time before she left the two alone.

The movie was horrifying. Jaskier tried his hardest not to show it but he averted his eyes during especially gruesome scenes. Ciri mostly laughed at the bad effects. Psycho, he thought. She was a good sport, though, and mocked him only when she really couldn’t stop herself.

“Shouldn’t girls your age be into romantic stories?”

“You don’t know many girls “my age”, do you?”, she jibed with him. The end credits were rolling, so they sat in the dark room that was only illuminated by the TV screen listening to the wailing of a bad indie singer.

“It’s nice Geralt found a cool roommate.”

Jaskier puffed his chest and smiled dumbly. A teenager just called him cool! Ha! He wondered if Geralt would agree.

“I don’t think he sees it that way. I can be pretty annoying playing songs and all. Talking too much.”

Ciri smiled so wide her eyes squinted: “I’m sure he doesn’t see you that way. Otherwise, he would’ve already thrown you out. He’s just a big old grump.”

“Yeah, you can say that again!”

“Do you like living with him?”

The bard had to think for a second. This apartment had opened up so many opportunities. If it wasn’t for Geralt accepting him as a roommate, he might’ve ended up homeless or travelling again. He still wasn’t the picture-perfect son his parents would want, and he barely managed to go to the gym once a week but for the first time in years, he felt he was on a good way. He felt settled. It felt like home in these walls.

“I do. Like I said, I think, most of the time, he’s annoyed. But the majority of people doesn’t care for someone like me, so I’m used to it.”

“I’ve never met anyone that cares more than Geralt. I think you’re good.” She raised herself from the ground and stretched. Jaskier thought about what she’d said. A part of him hoped that Geralt cared for him. Jaskier saw him as a friend at least. No matter what the relationship, one-sided affections hurt. He’d experienced it often enough. They always snuck up on him and before he knew, he was caught in a net of emotions he hadn’t seen coming. He was a blind fish when it came to such matters and the sea was so dark. Sometimes you didn’t see what had gotten you until there was already suffering.

He hadn’t seen his parents’ resentment splashing over until they had decided to throw him out. So many times, he hadn’t realized he was attached to someone until they rejected him.

He helped Ciri prepare the sofa for the night and went to bed where Natalie was already snoring. He lay down and put an arm around her. The sweet lemony scent of her hair tickled his nose and he buried his face in her neck.

These past months, he realized, were the first that people had loved him for who he was. 


	8. Toss A Coin To Your Bodyguard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, how about some ex-partner drama?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for waiting! Life's been a little weird lately and I felt really uninspired but you can look forward to the next 3 chapters. Needless to say that this is some reaaaal slowburn but things between Jaskier and Geralt will now finally pick up.

By the time the big premiere was about to be occur, the months had officially become cold; and, so had Jaskier’s relationship with Natalie.

Between working and acting, and also busking and performing live, the bard had grown a little weary and burned out. He was barely at home and when he was, Natalie was usually over to spend the little time they had during their busy lives.

Jaskier would lie if he’d say he wasn’t slightly annoyed sometimes. He loved her but he was just so tired. Often, he barely managed to get to rehearsals on time because he accidentally fell asleep in the short window that he was home to take a break.

Now that the premiere was so close, he spent most of his free time practicing his lines. He couldn’t even stop himself from muttering them while watching a movie with Geralt and Ciri.

The teenager had stayed the night back then but had returned almost every week at least once since then. Apparently, her parents hadn’t been all too fired up and Yennefer had never gotten wind of the whole incident.

The three had agreed they would just all collectively hide it from her. It was easy though since Jaskier had noticed her coming by late at night less often. Maybe Geralt had finally realized there were more options out there than just evil witch lawyer bitches. When they met, she always asked him how his play was going…like she planned something. He could smell her mockery; he was sure of it.

“Why are you like this? She’s trying to be nice to you,” Geralt sighed upon Jaskier explaining his theory that she was to sabotage the premiere.

“That’s what she wants you to THINK! I can read people, it’s an actor’s intuition!”

His intuition didn’t save him from communicating with his girlfriend though. Again, he loved her, he really did. Sometimes, it was just hard for him to know what exactly she wanted.

He felt he was already juggling a lot: the rehearsals, now twice a week, writing and composing, performing and his full-time job. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been that productive. She even complained that he wasn’t practicing enough or didn’t know his lines well enough, yet, she would also complain when he said he was too tired to go out some nights.

“When was the last time we’ve been on a nice dinner?”

Jaskier scratched his head: “Well depends what you see as nice. I was honestly surprised by that new brand of instant ramen… like… such a burst of flavor.”

He tried to make time for her when he was in a better headspace. He’d go over to hers before she was done with work and prepare dinner at home. His cooking wasn’t the best, but she’d say it was about the gesture anyway. He loved seeing her smile. Lately it was just harder to find the time to make it happen.

It was a week before the premiere that trouble was dooming. They had gone through the same scene for an hour with the director and playwright perfecting their movements and spurring them on to “get more into it” over and over again.

It was the dramatic climax love scene and Jaskier had thrown himself to his knees in front of Natalie so much that he could feel the chafing through his pants. At the end he was always rewarded with a grand kiss though, so that was nice… for the first half an hour at least. Afterwards it got kind of…stale.

“I love it,” the playwright said by the end, “I want exactly this passion next week!”

Jaskier and Natalie simply nodded. They were excited but the pressure also crushed them a little. They went to get changed in silence. It was weird to him. Sure, they were tired, but love was tireless. He only wanted to get home. Maybe not see her for the weekend for once. He desperately needed a break, he figured. It didn’t have anything to do with her.

Unfortunately, when Jaskier stepped outside the theatre, someone was already waiting for him. A tall, dark figure pushed themselves away from the cold brick wall and walked towards him.

As Jaskier held the door open for Natalie, he could only stare but she immediately recognized the man that was now fully visible and, to Jaskier’s taste, way too close to them.

“Josh?”

“Long time no see. Figured I’d drop by. See how’s it going,” the man said.

Natalie looked back and forth between them in panic. Jaskier tried to assess the situation. There was no way to know what that guy wanted, what he was here for. It was, however, obvious that it was someone Natalie knew well. He had a hunch, but he asked to be sure: “Hi, sorry, how do you know each other?”

“He’s my ex,” Natalie said coldly.

Her ex didn’t seem to like the answer. It was hard to read his face in the dark but Jaskier was sure he was upset. They had never talked about their previous relationships. He had nothing to talk about in the first place, so why would he initiate such a conversation. Maybe Natalie should have told him one or two things though.

For example, that her ex was super scary, Jaskier found out now as Josh came closer and started threatening him. Natalie tried to push him away, but Josh didn’t budge one bit.

“Whatever’s happening on that fucking stage, if I see you put your mouth on hers again it’s over, dude!”

“Josh!”

“I’ll make sure of it!”, he finished and shoved Jaskier against the wall. The bard figured the more unthreatening he appeared the sooner Josh would leave him alone, so he just went with it and let his body hit the cold stone. He only stared at the both of them as Josh turned towards Natalie to plead with her.

“What a wimp. Baby, you know you deserve better. Please, I can change!”

Jaskier closed his eyes and tried to drown out their argument for a second. He felt a headache coming up. It must’ve only been a couple of seconds until he felt Natalie’s hand grabbing his and they were walking toward the subway station.

“Get lost, Josh!”, she yelled over her shoulder. Jaskier took one last look at the man who shouted after him.

“Do you hear me? You’re dead! Touch her and you’re dead!”

As if the pressure that came with performing a principal role wasn’t enough just on its own, Jaskier now had the pleasure to deal with his anxiety over the threat of getting beaten into the ground for doing his job.

Natalie and him had parted when he decided to spend the night alone.

“Headache, sorry. Maybe tomorrow.”

She had apologized for her ex’s behavior and he’d assured her it was fine, but as soon as he arrived home he collapsed onto the sofa and started shaking. There were no tears. He wasn’t sad. It was all just a bit much. All he could think of was that he had work in the morning and should go to bed early.

Geralt emerged from his room not long after, finding his roommate alone on said sofa and seemingly distressed, although it was a silent suffering.

“I’m okay,” Jaskier said without looking up, “Just resting.”

“Hmm.”

Geralt brewed tea for the both of them and sat down with Jaskier in silence waiting for his exhausted roommate to talk first. Which he did just as planned.

“You know, I don’t know if I can cope with life. Maybe I’m just not made for it. Maybe I should just…Not. Not exist.”

“I think you’re just too busy.”

“What do you know about my daily schedule?”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I live with you.” Geralt emptied his cup and sat it down on the small sofa table. “Well, not so much right now because you’re rarely here.”

“So are you,” Jaskier retorted. He felt a bit guilty for never being home. It didn’t make sense. It had probably not been Geralt’s intention to blame him but Jaskier had to admit he liked being home, spending his time at home. True, he was outgoing but there was only so much he could take on on the daily if he couldn’t get away from it for at least a day. 

He had everything here to entertain himself. All the food and all the space and it was actually nice when Geralt would come home only later and he’d spend all day by himself. Also, then he could tell Geralt about what he’d done during the day and the other would listen and Jaskier loved that it annoyed Geralt maybe just a little bit. And he loved that Geralt would still sit still and listen in any case. Wait, Ciri said Geralt cared. And he was jacked!

“Do you have anywhere to be next Friday night?”, Jaskier asked innocently and definitely knowing that Geralt knew about the premiere coming up.

“You already invited Triss. Of course, she’s going to drag me with her.”

“You say that as if you don’t want to have the pleasure of seeing me perform live.”

Geralt didn’t answer that.

“Anyway,” Jaskier continued, “there’s an after-party and there’s this guy that really does not like me and I would appreciate some…personal protection for an up-and-coming artist.”

“I’m not gonna go to some masturbatory social event just to be your bodyguard, Jaskier.”

“But he’s built like a brick wall!”, Jaskier cried. “I barely manage to lift the 20kg dumbbells at the gym. Meanwhile, you’re also built like a brick wall!”

Geralt huffed and was about to leave the room when Jaskier reached out and grabbed his arm. It wasn’t a strong grip, but it got the man to stop in his tracks and turn back to his roommate who, upon locking eyes with the other, loosened his already soft grip and drew back his hand.

“Please, come to the after-party. I have a bad feeling about this and… maybe I’m kinda scared.”

Jaskier felt so awkward. He tried to level his breathing and stop himself from looking around the room like a shy kid who couldn’t muster up the courage to ask his parents for help. Well, his father would have laughed at him for asking for such help. But he had tried fighting his own fights for so long and he was just so used to losing them. It was thanks to friends that he had survived for so long. If only he’d had friends in high school, maybe he wouldn’t be so afraid of some rando physically intimidating him, but he knew what it led to.

He didn’t dare to meet Geralt’s eyes again before the other just nodded. Jaskier felt his heart thumping in his chest and he was aware of how stupid he must look, his face changing from an expression of absolute defeat to radiating with excitement.

“Really?”

“I’ll be there but only until midnight.”

“Fine with me! No further questions from my side!”

The spotlights shone white and bright onto the stage and the three performers who currently acted out their scene. Jaskier watched them from behind the curtain while changing into his last outfit. By now, the nervousness he had felt earlier during the day had subsided completely and he was rather relieved to realize the whole story and lines had stuck to his mind.

“Last big act, huh?” Dan said next to him. They had only really gotten to know each other more the past week. They barely had any roles together in the play and even after rehearsals, Dan was usually quick to leave. Nevertheless, Jaskier had gotten the impression that he was kind and his usual absence from nights-out with the group only really reinforced it as he always excused himself with being a “home-body”.

Jaskier nodded at him fearing if he’d engage in a conversation now, he would forget his lines after all. He fixed the last details on his costume and Dan handed him a cheaply painted golden scepter that was all wood. Not luxurious, but the company’s budget at least allowed a fancier material than plastic.

Natalie was on the other end of the stage behind the curtain. Their eyes met for a second and she nodded determinately with an expression that left no space for a smile. She was ready for combat and there was no way she would let the play be anything less than a success. They had to let it go out with a bang.

Jaskier sighed. Although admirable, her determination just added more pressure to the whole situation. She hadn’t been satisfied with him even last night when stayed after the usual rehearsal to go through everything again and again and again. He would only know her opinion on his performance tonight after they were done. It was better honestly, because if she would tell him he sucked right in this moment, he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on the rest of the performance. The thick air in the theatre already contributed enough to his weakening memory.

As the previous scene ended, the lights went dark, and the other actors rushed backstage, the director signaled them to go and both Jaskier and Natalie resumed their roles of a love-sickened couple in front of a good 100 guests.

“You did so well! Congratulations!” Triss handed him a bouquet of flowers. Jaskier hadn’t even changed from his costume into his regular clothes. While ecstatic from the applause of the crowd, he hadn’t really noticed it but now outside at the stage door, the strong wind and cold drizzle made him shiver. Geralt was standing awkwardly at Triss’ side.

“Yeah, good job.”

“Thanks, guys! I’ll be back soon I just gotta finish up in there. You got your tickets to the after-party?”

“Sure,” Triss held up the basic paper tickets that were all to easy to fake if there were to be any importance in that amateur group’s premiere party. He doubted they would even fill half the room they had booked for the festivities.

“Don’t I get an autograph or what?”, some voice behind them asked. Jaskier recognized it immediately and shivered. The cold rain had found its way through the fabric of his costume.

Josh was followed by another guy this time around, who didn’t necessarily look friendlier than the main man himself. Both were smoking but, upon approaching the stage door, took out their half-finished cigarettes and ground them under their heels like villains in a bad action movie. Although feeling threatened, Jaskier had to commend them for their theatricality, intended or not.

“So, you bastard didn’t listen,” Josh said calmly, “Kissed my girl in front of everyone. You got some balls.”

“Well, I had to? It’s an…act?”

“Do you think I’m stupid?!”

“I – “, kind of, Jaskier thought. But he couldn’t say it could he? He stepped closer in hopes to show Josh that this didn’t have to be a situation. They could talk it out like grown-ups. He’d always talked himself out of things.

“Natalie told me you broke up,” he tried to reason with the other man, “Maybe talk to her about it first?”

As if summoned, Natalie opened the door and joined the two opposing groups. She had changed into her evening outfit already.

“What the fuck is going on?”

“Told him he shouldn’t touch you,” Josh answered.

“Are you fucking insane?” She was clearly getting angry and Jaskier had no desire to be between them if they were to engage in a heated argument.

“No, no, we’re talking it through like adults!”, Jaskier tried to calm down the situation but he had come too close to Josh who now also got angry that this conversation didn’t lead anywhere. So, Josh did what he was come to do in the first place, grabbed Jaskier’s shoulder with one hand and punched him straight in the gut with his other hand clenched into a fist.

The bard went down. Alarm bells were ringing in his head, but he also couldn’t gasp for enough air to breathe normally and stand up straight.

“Josh, what the fuck! You’re a psycho! We broke up and that’s it,” he could hear Natalie screamed as Triss rushed to his side to support him.

“What do you want with a fucker like him anyways?” Josh spewed.

“Are you finished?”

Josh and his silent companion abruptly turned their heads toward Geralt who was still standing where Triss had left him. Suddenly, fear stroke Jaskier. He had asked Geralt to come and help in case of just this situation, but he didn’t anticipate there would be two guys ready to beat him up.

“And who are you?”

“I don’t know what to tell you but Natalie clearly isn’t interested in you.”

Geralt’s voice was hard and cold. Its tone was even deeper like this and it sent chills through Jaskier’s bones. He wasn’t sure if he had ever seen him annoyed, yes even mad, like this before. At home, Geralt would sigh and huff and shake his head. Now, he was just staring at Josh who grew all the more aggressive and licked his lips. He was tough but that stranger clearly unsettled him. Geralt wasn’t as slim as Jaskier after all.

In the end, it was Josh’s manly pride that led to his downfall as he walked over to get right into Geralt’s face but the other didn’t have any of it and pushed that jealous ex away from him so that he tumbled.

Infuriated, Josh just went for it and his friend followed suit. Maybe they landed a punch or two, it was hard for Jaskier to see who tried to get in there but Triss held him back, but it took Geralt only a few seconds to strike back and it was brutal.

His fist collided with the friend’s face and sent him straight to the ground before he struck Josh into the gut just as the other had done to Jaskier before. Josh yelped and fell backwards.

“You might wanna sit down,” Geralt advised him but, filled with anger, Josh tried to get back up and Geralt struck him again. He lay on the ground for a moment before scrambling to his feet and bringing some distance between him and Jaskier’s bodyguard.

“You’ll regret this!”, he screamed as he helped his friend up. Bent over, they walked away cussing under their breath.

“Oh my god, Jaskier!”, Natalie shouted and Triss stepped away to leave the couple to themselves. “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s fine,” he waved it off. “Time to get ready for the party.

For some reason, he didn’t want to inconvenience Natalie. Maybe he just said so because he didn’t want to see her but at the same time, he felt bad for thinking this way. Why didn’t he want to see her?

They sent the women on their way to the party with a cab and Jaskier went backstage to change his outfit. Geralt followed with him, turning away when Jaskier began to undress and washing the dirt of his hands at the sink in the changing room.

“I’m sorry I dragged you into this,” Jaskier said as he buttoned up his white dress shirt.

“It’s nothing. They didn’t even put up a fight.”

“Ha, they did. They were just no match for you.”

“Are you okay?”

Jaskier thought about it. He could still feel his stomach hurt when he thought about the punch, but it was also just some sort of phantom pain now.

“Yes.”

Geralt waited for him outside the room and Jaskier emerged not long after. They took Geralt’s car to a small shabby complex of glass and concrete. There were several rooms for rent there apparently. Their director had taken care of the booking and arrangement. Although it had clearly seen better days, the room was strategically decorated and the furniture placed just in the right spots so that its grave flaws were hidden from the eyes of the people dancing and chatting.

Dan was the first to welcome the two when they finally made it to the source of the blasting music that echoed in the hallways. He handed them each a glass of champagne.

“Good work today, bud,” he praised Jaskier who, after all the applause and appraisal, blushed still.

“To many great performances the next days!” Dan raised his glass and the men clinked their glasses.

Triss was already dancing when they went further into the room. Frequent approaches from others, pats on the back and little chats interrupted Jaskier’s quest to settle down somewhere and watch the scene. He didn’t feel like dancing yet. Thankfully, Triss noted and she joined him, Geralt and Dan at a table not far from the dancefloor.

“Are you okay?”, she asked with real concern on her face. Again, he waved it off.

“Never been better! How’s the party?”

“The music could be better but I’m just here for you, so it’s okay.”

“How very kind of you, Miss,” Jaskier joked.

“Oh, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to drag you on the dancefloor.”

Dan, that traitor, actually helped her take him and Geralt. Jaskier still didn’t feel like dancing but when he saw that, reluctantly, even Geralt let himself be dragged, he figured he could play along as well.

Unsurprisingly, Geralt barely danced. Of course, because he didn’t really attempt to dance, but also because, within minutes, he was surrounded by a bunch of women as usual. Jaskier chuckled at the sight of it. His roommate was rough when it came to knocking someone out cold but attention and human flirtation weren’t his forte. What he would’ve given to look like Geralt. The more he looked at him, the more he was reminded of that boy he’d met in middle school. The only football player that had ever been nice to him. Jaskier wanted to look and be just like him when he was younger. They just had it so easy. People who said looks weren’t everything were lying and they must know, Jaskier thought. They know it’s not true. The women from his theatre group knew definitely and downright swarmed his roommate. He grew frustrated watching them, so he turned his attention towards Triss and the music again.

He hadn’t even wasted a thought to Natalie until he saw her across the dancefloor an hour in. He was painfully reminded of supposed appropriate behavior for boyfriends and rushed over to her.

“Nat, sorry, I didn’t see you. Triss forced me to dance with her straight away.”

“No big deal. I didn’t see you either.”

They wandered over to a quiet corner right next to the table with appetizers. She kissed him on the cheek, and it felt like a stone was dropping from his throat into the hollowness of his abdomen. He barely felt it. He didn’t enjoy it. He just wanted to be on the other side of the room with his friends. And maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t fine.

“Listen, I texted Josh…”

“Hm…”

Immediately, he was annoyed upon hearing the name and having to remember that whole trouble after all.

“I told him to stay away, okay? He’s an ass and I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

“Maybe instead of texting him, you should file a restraining order or something,” Jaskier muttered frustrated.

“He’s just still hung up on me.”

“Then, maybe, you should tell him to fuck off fair and square.”

“What?”

He realized he had spoken a bit too harshly. Natalie took a step back and watched him as he avoided her eyes.

“Sorry, I –“, he was looking for the right words but couldn’t find them, “It’s just a bit much right now. You make him sound like “an okay guy who is just a bit lovesick”, but he fucking punched me!”

“Hey, is that my fault? There’s a reason we broke up!”

“Why do you still text him then? Why do you have his number?”

“We don’t have any bad blood between us, okay? I’ve known him for a long time.”

“But now you do!”, Jaskier exclaimed, his voice louder and more agitated. “He threatened and punched your boyfriend! Is that not enough for bad bood?!”

“I told you I’ll fix it!”, Natalie shouted back.

“You know what…it’s okay. It’s fine. I’m fine.” Jaskier answered and stepped away from her. With an exasperated sigh, he shook out his arms to relieve himself from at least some tension.

“I think, I need a break.” There. He’d said it.

Natalie crossed her arms; her eyes were narrow in disbelief.

“What?”

“No, yes, yes, I mean it. Sorry. I just- it’s been a lot lately.”

“Everything okay?”

Jaskier hadn’t noticed Geralt coming up to them. He felt embarrassed to be at this party. To have this talk with Natalie and now, Geralt was watching.

“I better get going. Sorry, just have good night without me. I don’t feel so good.”

“No need to apologize,” Geralt answered while Natalie was still standing there like hammered in stone. “I can drive.”

“You can’t just go like that, Jaskier!”, Natalie said.

“Uh, yes, I can.”

He walked past her without a second look. It was rude but he couldn’t handle being in her presence any longer and if he would engage in a discussion with her, he knew they’d be standing there the whole night.

He descended the stairs of the building alone. He hadn’t cared to wait for Geralt either and his roommate had suddenly vanished from his side.

Outside, the rain had intensified. The water that hit his face woke him up and he began walking towards the subway. Barely at the corner to turn left, he heard Geralt shout after him.

“Hey! Jaskier! Let’s get the car!”

He considered to just keep on walking, but he was already drenched. Did he want to risk a cold and miss work for the next week? Rather not, so he ran back and silently followed his roommate to the car.

“What about Triss?”

“She said she’d get home by herself.”

The rain scourged against the the windows, the clattering sound urgent and calming at the same time.

“Did you get the number of the girl in the red dress?”, he asked Geralt to make some small talk. It was a sad attempt at lifting his spirits through the achievements of someone else.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Not interested.”

Jaskier leaned against the window staring into nothingness.

“You can do better than Yennefer.”

Unusual for him, Geralt blew out some air through his nose which could have almost counted as a laugh but shook his head.

“It’s none of your business.”

Jaskier refrained from making any further comments. So, this was the night of his big acting debut, huh. Well, it could only go uphill from here. There was only one tiny problem: He still had to survive two weeks of performing with Natalie. He winced at the thought.


	9. Toss A Coin To Your Family Holidays

Oh, how fitting of Natalie to bear a grudge. How uncomfortable, sadly, that was when they had to play a couple on stage every night.

Dan was helping Jaskier into his costume as every night. After Jaskier’s break-up, Dan was still surprisingly fond of him even though most co-actors were tending to Natalie. Jaskier understood it. He was technically still the new guy as he had only been part of the group for a few months.

“I feel like you need it.”

“Wow, thanks. What a way to make me feel pitied.”

The performance after the premiere had been…professional. Successful but a bit stiff and sanitized and Jaskier was sure the audience noticed how they didn’t want to kiss for longer than necessary. Or have any body contact…or touch each other in general. It was unbelievably awkward and apart from doing their scenes, where they had to speak to each other, Natalie ignored him flat out and Jaskier didn’t bother. He was still tired from the whole discussion at the after-party and Josh’s threats. Thankfully, her ex didn’t show up again. Maybe they were back together. Jaskier didn’t wanna know.

The night of the second to last performance, though, turned out especially bad. Their chemistry was just way off and Jaskier even forgot some lines, which, in turn, drove Natalie visibly mad, so that he got even more nervous and forgot even more lines. Afterwards, the director took him aside.

“Listen. I don’t care what you guys do in private, but on stage, you have to make it work!”

“Sorry, it’s just… I’ll fix it.”

“You better. Natalie is my best actress. If I have to throw out one of you… make a guess.”

Great, so now he could also look after new acting groups to join. Ridiculous, they should’ve never dated in the first place. He should just not date in general. He was a lost cause. No successful casual sex in months, no successful relationship.

“Maybe you’re just having a hard time with women,” Dan said as Jaskier voiced his frustration. The intrusive thoughts lasted a little too long but he blocked it off.

“Men are all pretty with their abs and muscles and deep voices, but I tried it. It didn’t… end well.

“Shame.”

“Why, I can make an exception for you.”

“In your dreams!”

Performing wasn’t even fun anymore when your ex would hide her deathly glare behind a thinly veiled fake smile. He had seen her act better before. So, he just dully played along, swung and chased her around as if she was the love of his life and in the end, the grand kiss to seal their fate.

Any attempts to talk to her after their performances failed. At this rate, he was sure to be kicked out by next week. The only good twist about it was that tomorrow was the last performance of the play and despite their lacking chemistry from time to time, it had gotten okay reviews from audiences. Nothing he would mention on his CV as soon as he’d played different roles, but it would do for now. 

Safe to say the days had been a little bleak and even ruined his first major role on a stage, but there was light at the end of the tunnel. Something he had only remembered after Dan had asked him about his Thanksgiving plans. In the first moment he had laughed it off that he, in fact, had no plans and would curl up at home eating ice cream in loneliness under his blanket. In the second moment, when Dan had invited him to spend Thanksgiving with him and his friends, the shabby microwave that rotated his lukewarm brain made ding and a memory appeared. He had been invited before by Geralt to his family! It was a question of where he would rather go. He would undoubtedly feel like a burden to both but staying at home alone despite prospects of spending Thanksgiving with a real group of people for the first time in years was all too tempting. Especially now that he was even dealing with a breakup and he did feel a little lonely.

“I’ll get back to you on that,” he told Dan, although his decision was already made. Why would he wait giving his friend an answer just to ask Geralt first, if he really wanted to stay with Dan? Was it weird to stay with your roommate during Thanksgiving? He didn’t want to seem desperate.

On the night of the last performance, all the actors went out for drinks. The night was cold and Jaskier and Dan started betting on who can blow out the longest stream of warm condensed air like children. Natalie still hadn’t warmed up to him, so the both of them chose a booth apart from the rest of the group for a while. Some brought friends or family. Dan and Jaskier, though, were alone.

“Where is your scary looking friend, tonight?”

“Probably home. Of what importance is the last night of this shit show anyway!”

“Oh, you can be happy we made it through considering your drama.”

They clinked their beers and played a round of semi-rules-following version of poker.

“He seemed nice,” Dan continued when Jaskier didn’t tell anything else.

“You’re the first one to say that,” the bard laughed putting down card after card. It was a bad turn. He knew Dan would win.

“You seem pretty close.”

“You think so?”

“I win. I don’t know, it seems like…he’s watching over you somehow.”

“I break stuff and get into trouble frequently. He’s used to it by now. We’re roommates.”

“Oh. I see.”

They went for a couple more rounds before sitting with the others for a while. They left early nonetheless and took a walk among the neon signs and electric lights of downtown New York before parting at the subway station.

In the hallway of his apartment, Jaskier perceived the slightest smell of a homecooked meal, which only intensified as he climbed the floors. He began salivating at the mouth not least because he was a little tipsy thanks to the beers.

The smell only intensified as he fiddled for his keys to open the door and his nose hadn’t betrayed him; Geralt was surprisingly cooking late at night. Jaskier hung up his jacket before accompanying his roommate in the kitchen, less to cook but to marvel at the bacon that was frying in the pan before him. He didn’t even wonder as to why Geralt was awake past midnight or rather, even in the kitchen instead of in his room like the introverted hermit he was after a workweek.

“Is that late breakfast?”, Jaskier asked and watched as Geralt took the finished fried bacon out of the pan and put it on a plate readied with a kitchen paper towel to soak of the excess oil.

“It’s meal prep for tomorrow.”

Jaskier snapped out of his hunger haze. Right, Thanksgiving was next week.

“About that…”, the drunk bard scratched his head, “I know it’s a bit late but…you asked me if I wanted to… come along?”

“I did.”

“Is that offer still standing? I mean, sorry, it might be a bit late now. I don’t wanna trouble your family and all, really! I could help with preparations and cook for myself too-!”

“Sure. I’ll text them when we leave tomorrow. Now, would you let me finish this? I’m tired. Wanna finish this as quick as possible and sleep.”

Jaskier’s face broke out into a large smile. He jumped on the spot before sliding around Geralt who was now preparing some pancake batter and stole a piece of bacon from the plate. Trying to keep whisking but defending the food, Geralt tried to push him away but to no avail.

“Take your filthy fingers off my bacon!”

“Hey, I’m coming along, so it’s _our_ bacon now,” he winked and vanished in his room. He just about finished the, to his taste, a little too crunchy piece before falling asleep, clothes on and all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! It's time for the Thanksgiving arc I had in my mind since starting this fic!


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